


Time Out

by Speechless



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Louis, Break Up, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Jealousy, Kinks, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Possessive Behavior, Praise Kink, Roleplay, Smut, Top Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-06-23 23:50:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15617757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Speechless/pseuds/Speechless
Summary: "I'm a mermaid." Louis decides, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck. "You're on holiday. Somewhere tropical, like-""No, no-" Harry mutters, leaving what's left of his sandwich on the desk. "You're a fairy." he says, bending down to mouth at his neck.Louis scoffs."I was a fairy last week, Harry." he complains, barely resisting as he gets pushed towards the bed."You're my pretty, small, delicate fairy." Harry ignores him, sneaking his hands under Louis' shirt, dragging them up his back. "You're so small." he rambles, as Louis rolls his eyes, hides his smile. "If I'm not careful I might hurt you."Harry and Louis are perfect for each other.Everybody knows it.They know it, their friends know it,everybodyknows it.That's why Zayn, Liam and Niall won't let them get away with breaking up.No chance in hell.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> It's me again!  
> (It's Britney, bitch!)
> 
> Hello, everyooone.  
> Yes.  
> Yes, I am excited about this one.
> 
> Very much.
> 
> I know you're probably going to hate me because I'm only posting this little prologue, but I promise you I'm doing all I can to make this story perfect and make sure it'll be worth it!
> 
> Go ahead, take a look <3

"I am the princess," Louis tells him, placing an invisible crown over his own head.  
  
Harry can already see it.  
  
"My parents are the rulers of this land. They must protect me from our enemies." Louis explains, rubbing his chin. Then he gasps, he smiles, he must have had the best idea.  
  
"And you," he says, dragging his hands over Harry's chest. "Your job is keeping me safe, making sure no one enters my chambers and takes advantage of me." He stops to blink at him, let out a little sigh and "I only trust you." He adds, pouting.  
  
Harry fucking loves it.  
  
He looks around for a while, he checks every corner of the room and "Someone might see us." He tells him, keeping his voice low. "We're not supposed to-"  
  
He can't manage to finish the sentence because Louis has jumped in his arms with no warning, clinging to him like a damn koala bear, kissing him desperately.  
  
"Take me, Harry." He pleads, breathing against his swollen lips. "No one will find out."  
  
Harry looks at him, realizing how deep into it Louis is already. He must have been thinking about this one for a while.  
  
"Just this once?" He murmurs, unable to stop kissing him as Louis nods and starts rocking his hips.  
  
"Just this once." He confirms, voice gone all soft and innocent.  
  
Harry hums, he sucks a small bruise into his neck.  
  
"You know I won't be able to stop once I put it in you, princess?" He groans, rushing towards the bedroom.  
  
"I won't ask you to." Louis promises, tearing his clothes off as soon as Harry drops him onto his bed.  
  
"Good." He replies, watching Louis spread his legs for him, touch himself, blush a little. "Take your crown off, then." Harry instructs, climbing onto bed. "And put your ass up"  
  
  
  
  


They have a safeword.  
  
You must have a safeword when your sex life consists in.  
  
Well.  
  
What they do.  
  
It took them a life time to come up with a good one.  
  
Not because they couldn't agree, Harry and Louis hardly disagree with each other.  
  
That's why their friends nicknamed them the Dream Team.  
  
Well, to be fair, they also call them disgusting and weird and _get a room!_  
  
The problem with picking a word was that they needed to find one that would only be used for the purpose of stopping or slowing down their games.  
  
That is hard, for two people who say a lot of weird shit while having sex.  
  
Louis suggested the good old _red_ , but Harry couldn't live with the idea of not being able to let him know how his ass looked after he spanked him. So they decided to strike that one out immediately.  
  
So Harry came up with _dragon_ , and that one was supposed to work, why the hell would anyone use that word in bed.  
  
They hadn't considered the _You're the dragon guarding the treasure and I'm a thief_ fantasy.  
  
So they were back to square one after one week.  
  
Harry suggested _banana_ at that point, but Louis loved pretending Harry was a wild, unpredictable jungle man, and he needed that word, needed to convince jungle man to come closer and mount him.  
  
It dawned on them while Harry was having breakfast one morning, munching on fresh fruit like a proper Tarzan, and Louis just "Kiwi!" realized.  
  
So _kiwi_ is their safeword now. Short and simple and easy to say even if you're being fucked into the mattress.  
  
Just perfect.  
  
  


 

Louis opens the door with a sly smile, he bites his lip.  
  
"Come in." he purrs. "I've been waiting for you."  
  
Then he moves aside, he touches Harry's back once he walks past him, he follows him into the kitchen.  
  
"Is this the one you wanted, babe?" Harry asks him, carefully putting the box on the counter. "Didn't cost as much as we thought." he adds, with a little shrug. "And I also saw this great microwave-"  
  
"My boyfriend and I just moved in." Louis cuts him off, tilting his head. "This house needs a lot of stuff." he continues, rolling his eyes. "We're always busy, so it's easier for us to shop online."  
  
Harry smiles at him, he puts the blender down, he leans against the wall.  
  
Louis' in the mood for playing, then.  
  
"We can deliver any item you purchase online within two business days." he replies. "We're really proud of the services we offer."  
  
Louis giggles, he shakes his hair out of his eyes.  
  
He's getting more excited now, biting on his lip, trying to keep serious.  
  
"Services?" he asks, corking an eyebrow. "So there's more than one?"  
  
Harry lets out a small laugh, he shakes his head.  
  
"Of course." he casually says. "But they're meant for a different kind of customers. You wouldn't be interested."  
  
Louis takes a sharp breath and a step closer to him, he crosses his arms.  
  
"How can you be so sure?" he challenges. "Maybe your additional services are just what I need."  
  
Harry pushes himself off the wall and suddenly they're close, breathing in each other's space.  
  
He looks down at him, he licks his lips before speaking again.  
  
"You don't really qualify. But maybe this time," he starts, dragging his eyes up and down Louis' body, then back up on his face. "We could make an exception."  
  
Louis swallows dry when Harry places a hand on the back of his neck, gently pulling him closer.  
  
"How long till your boyfriend's back?" he whispers, lowering his head until their noses touch.  
  
Louis slightly leans back, not giving Harry enough time to kiss him and "I only see him in the evening." he tells him, blinking up at him. "Leaves me all alone." he complains, frowning. "All day." He adds, "All the time." pouting.  
  
Harry clicks his tongue, he sighs.  
  
"Poor thing." he mutters, gently running his fingers through Louis' hair, staring into his eyes. "You must feel very lonely, yeah?"  
  
Louis shrugs, he sniffles, he looks down.  
  
Then he does that thing, the one that makes Harry's cock hard _every time_.  
  
He sighs, he slowly tilts his head up, he brings his eyes back on him, his pretty, wide, blue eyes, he bats his eyelashes over them, and Harry wants to wreck him.  
  
"I'll take care of you." he states, voice dropping harshly, sounding hot and demanding. "Give you what you need."  
  
A minute later Louis' on the kitchen floor, clothes flying all over the place, feet bumping against the furniture, and Harry can't help himself, even though he knows Louis wanted it to last, wanted him to work harder for it, Harry can't wait any longer.  
  
"Bet he doesn't even give it to you when he's back," he's mumbling between kisses, pinning Louis down with his weight. "He doesn't know how empty your little arse feels when there's no cock stuffing it full."  
  
Louis shrieks into his mouth, he immediately starts fumbling with Harry's pants.  
  
"Look at you," Harry whispers, pausing to suck on Louis' bottom lip. "So needy, so desperate to get fucked."  
  
Louis lets out another high pitched sound, he opens his mouth for Harry's tongue, but Harry gives him his fingers instead.  
  
"Gonna stretch you open first, yeah?" he asks, using his other hand to pull his cock out, rub it against Louis' warm tummy. "Get them nice and wet, baby."  
  
Louis nods, he grips Harry's wrist to shove his fingers deeper into his mouth, whimpering softly, looking up at him, in that way that makes Harry stop breathing.  
  
"Wish I could just fuck you right away," he pants, leaking precum over Louis' skin. "Wreck this little arse and leave."  
  
Louis moans, he pulls Harry's finger out of his mouth.  
  
"Make me come." he whines. "Please."  
  
Harry's never really said no to him.  
  
Not when they're playing, not in real life.  
  
He wants to give him all he wants. For as long as he can.  
  
He'd do anything for him.  
  
So he starts by making him come.  
  
  


 

They're lying on the floor, both covered by a thin layer of sweat, quietly catching their breaths, shoulders touching.  
  
Harry turns around to look at him, smiling.  
  
"Should have come inside." Louis scolds him, frowning at him.  
  
Harry purses his lips, waits for a kiss that never comes.  
  
"If my boyfriend neglects me," Louis' ranting, gesturing, scoffing. "And you're supposed to give me what I need, it's _obvious_ that you gotta come inside."  
  
Harry bites on his shoulder.  
  
"The last time I came inside and you said I should have come on your face." he grits out, swiping his tongue over the mark he's left.  
  
Louis shoves at him, he pinches his arm.  
  
"Yesterday I was your side bitch, Harry!" he squeaks, giving him a disbelieving look. "You were supposed to use me!" he continues, sitting up. " _Of course_ you'd come on my face."  
  
Harry darts forward, he grabs his arm, pulls him back down, settles him over his own chest.  
  
"Tell you what," he starts, rubbing his cheek. "Tonight, when I'm the pizza delivery guy and your boyfriend still hasn't come back, I'll jizz all over your pretty face." he promises, pecking his lips.  
  
Louis hums, slightly annoyed still but softening already.  
  
"Okay." he chirps, leaning down to kiss him again. "But I want Mexican food."  
  
Harry shakes his head. "No." he declares, ignoring Louis' glare. "Can't let you eat spicy food and have your mouth on my cock the same night." he reminds him, furrowing his eyebrows.  
  
"Not making that mistake again."  
  
Louis starts laughing, peppering Harry's face with tiny kisses. "You're right." He admits, cracking at the memory of Harry's face when his cock felt like being set on fire. Harry's right. That wasn't a smart move. It was very funny, though.  
  
"You're lucky I love you." he tells him, as Harry keeps shaking his head. "Because I'd love to see you scream that way and dip your cock in a glass of milk again."  
  
Harry finally starts laughing too, curls his arms around him.  
  
He's such a little shit.  
  
He loves him so fucking much.  
  
He keeps him pinned to the floor until Louis settles on ordering pizza.  
  
  


 

None of them could have ever imagined what was coming next.


	2. Locked in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God.  
> This story is killing me.  
> I want it to kill me.  
> I want it to kill you. We all need to die and then we can feel alive again (right, Andy?).  
> Trust me, guys.  
> I got you.
> 
>  
> 
> Okay, ATTENTION PLEAAAASE!
> 
> When you see this little thing 
> 
> ***** 
> 
> you're about to read a (painful) flashback, so please don't get confused, drink plenty of water and remember it's gonna be okay.
> 
> Also, please share your thoughts with me <3
> 
> Hope you enjoy <3
> 
>  

They say clinging to the past only keeps you from building your future.  
  
Louis has a hell of a future to build, he can't waste his precious time over memories and regrets and wishful thinking.  
  
No, sir.  
  
Louis is going to start building his future right the fuck now.  
  
So he takes a deep breath, he tells himself it's the right thing to do, it'll be his very first step forward.  
  
So he takes another breath and another one and another one, before realizing this breathing thing won't work as long as he's crying.  
  
Still, he needs to do it.  
  
He must do it.  
  
He peeks into the trash bag that's been sitting by his door for over a month, he fights the urge to put everything back to its place for what feels like the hundredth time this week.  
  
Clinging to the past only means going backwards.  
  
That's why he finally finds enough strength inside of himself to lift the bag, drag it down the stairs, objects clattering and probably breaking inside of it, but who cares anyway.  
  
He takes it down to the yard and he keeps yanking on it, sad and exhausted, tears stinging in his eyes, and he keeps walking and pulling and swearing, because "Bloody hell!" and "Shit." but, most importantly, "Fuuuuck!" he yells, he _yells_ , like a proper nutcase, not giving a single damn about his neighbors watching him from their windows, about the tears that finally spilled out and are once again streaming down his face, about the car that almost runs him over - might as well have - because all he wants to do is getting rid of all of that stuff.  
  
He'll throw it all away.  
  
The framed pictures, the stuffed bear, the custom T-shirts, the books and the CDs and the notes, that ugly expensive watch, even his favorite hoodie _because it still smells like him_.  
  
He finally stops in front of the trash can, out of breath, out of tears to cry.  
  
Out of hope.  
  
He's trying to remember if the flower crown is still in his apartment and he panics for a moment.  
  
He can't have any of it, not one single piece.  
  
But is he really gonna throw it all away?  
  
What difference could it make anyway.  
  
Is it really about a stupid bag full of presents and a huge trash can on the side of the street?  
  
It's been a whole month since he got it all ready and that didn't stop him from constantly thinking about him, anyway.  
  
Should he just drag it all the way back and into his apartment?  
  
Maybe he should.  
  
He loosens his grip on the bag for a second, too tired to control his muscles at this point, and a piece of paper flies out of it, slowly making its way to the ground.  
  
Louis scoffs.  
  
He's not gonna look at it.  
  
It's the stupidest thing he could do, right now.  
  
He's almost there, he's so close, so close.  
  
Who is he kidding, of course he's gonna look.  
  
He stomps his foot onto it before the wind can drag it away from him.  
  
He squints his eyes, trying to read what it says through the blurry layer of tears in his eyes.  
  
  


_Good morning, baby. Going to work. Gonna miss you. x_  
  
  


That's it.  
  
That's all it says.  
  
Louis lets the wind drag it away.  
  
He swallows down the urge to scream, he pours it all into lifting the bag up.  
  
He throws it all away.  
  
  
  
  


 

"Zayn, can't you just tell me over the phone?" Louis presses, throwing his keys onto the coffee table and sinking into the couch.  
  
Zayn sighs.  
  
"No, I told you, it's too important. Need you guys to be there."  
  
Louis grips tighter on his phone, his chest suddenly feels heavy, his voice cracks.  
  
"All of us?" he asks him, drawing up his legs.  
  
Zayn doesn't answer for a long moment, and all Louis can hear is his own heart thumping furiously inside of him, trying to break free and leave, probably.  
  
Louis wishes he could do that.  
  
Rip his own heart out, keep it in a drawer somewhere, forget it for a while, pick it back up when it's healed.  
  
"Zayn?" he croaks out, swallowing around the lump in his throat.  
  
He's shaking, he's fucking shaking, phone slipping out of his hands as Zayn "Yes." finally replies. "All of you."  
  
  
  
  


 

It's been three months.  
  
Not exactly three months, more like eight-four days, or something like that, it's not like Louis' been counting them or anything.  
  
It's been a long time, that's the point, since he last saw him.  
  
He's been trying so hard to put the pieces back together, remember who he used to be, define the exact part of his soul where Harry ends and Louis begins.  
  
Two years is how long it took to blur that line, blending them together so well Louis can't tell the difference anymore.  
  
The exact point where Louis begins and Harry fades out.  
  
It's been three months, spent fighting to get used to it.  
  
To a life where it's just him, just Louis, going to work, doing the shopping, seeing his friends.  
  
No love of his life listening to every little detail at the end of each day.  
  
No love of his life kissing him and holding him and keeping him warm as he sleeps.  
  
Three months is not long enough, not to condition his brain into living his life as just his, not _theirs_ anymore.  
  
It's not easy, it's not something you just do.  
  
Throwing it all away won't work, if you still believe that he is _the one_ , your _soulmate_ , the person who fits you perfectly, heart and body and mind, the face you think of when you hear the words _future_ and _love_ and _happiness_.  
  
Louis thinks about him all the time.  
  
  
  
  


 

*****

Harry's reading his boring archeology book, something about big stones and small insignificant details that don't matter now, because Louis snatches it out of his hands, he closes it, he puts it back on the shelf.  
  
"Lou." Harry scolds him. "Give it back."  
  
Louis' humming their song, the one that makes him cry when Harry's away from him, but it's okay, 'cause Harry's here now.  
  
He smiles at him, even though he's trying so hard to frown, "I mean it, come on." he's saying. "I'd like to finish that."  
  
Louis keeps humming, starts walking towards him again, maybe dancing a little bit to the rhythm in his head.  
  
"You're so cute." Harry laughs, covering his face with both hands. "I hate you." he says, opening up his arms.  
  
Louis steps back, he creates enough space between them so he can actually run to him, laugh as Harry's eyes go wide in fear, as he tries to calculate how to grab him when he finally jumps.  
  
Harry always catches him, never lets him fall.  
  
"Got you!" he huffs out, as Louis gets comfortable in his lap, shifts until he's looking right at his face.  
  
Harry's the one who starts humming the song this time, since Louis' too busy biting on his collarbones to remember to finish it, and he struggles, he pulls on his hair a bit, he shoves at him, to get Louis to look at him again.  
  
Louis does, he rolls his eyes, but he does.  
  
He tries to hide his smile when Harry "I knoooow," sings to him. "Some people search the world. To fiiiind, something like what we haaaave."  
  
And fuck it, Louis' laughing now, 'cause he's just _so happy_.  
  
"No one, no one, no ooooone." he sings back, as Harry lifts him up from the couch, presses him against the wall.  
  
"So am I Alicia Keys this time?" Louis asks him, curling his legs around Harry's waist.  
  
Harry shakes his head, "No." he mumbles on his neck.  
  
"You're my beautiful bride." he tells him, making Louis blush and choke on his own spit. "And I'm gonna make love to you, gonna pop your cherry tonight, baby." Harry tells him, sounding desperate and emotional and just so in love.  
  
"Okay." Louis huffs out, trying to ignore how hard his face is burning. "Okay, do it." he tells him, looking into Harry's eyes.  
  
He'd be anything for him.  


*****

  


 

 

  


Fuck.  
  
Louis stops in his tracks.  
  
Fuck.  
  
It's him.  
  
Fuck, shit, fuck.  
  
It's Harry.  
  
Of course it's Harry, for God's sake.  
  
Louis knew he'd be there too.  
  
But he was at least hoping he'd see him in Zayn's apartment, where he could avert his gaze and look at the others, at anything else basically.  
  
Instead he runs into him as soon as he steps into the building, sees that _fuck_ , Harry's right there, waiting for the elevator.  
  
He's looking at him, too.  
  
His face looks like Louis' face must look right now.  
  
It looks just like what Harry says.  
  
"Shit."  
  
Also. Fuck, fuck, fuck.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
That's what they look like.  
  
Louis has it under control.  
  
It was just unexpected, that's all, no big deal.  
  
Harry's still looking at him, he's fixing the collar of his shirt, then his hair, then his voice.  
  
"Hi." he says.  
  
He's holding a bag in one hand.  
  
Louis' holding a bag too, and Harry's right there, _fuck_.  
  
He's gasping now, he's flinching.  
  
Louis _was_ holding a bag in his hand.  
  
It's on the floor now.  
  
He crouches down, he picks it back up, and when he glances at it he realizes the bottle of wine has shattered into a thousand pieces, shards now swimming in a little yellowish pool.  
  
So that's what that noise was.  
  
Louis thought it was just his heart going to pieces. Again.  
  
"Oops." he blurts out.  
  
Then he shrugs, he lets out a little embarrassed laugh and "Shall we?" he suggests, casually walking past Harry and stepping into the elevator.  
  
  
  
  


 

*****

"I'm a dancer." Louis tells him, lazily rubbing on his own tummy, all splayed on Harry's couch.  
  
"Like a ballerina?" Harry asks, nodding his head.  
  
"Yeah." Louis happily replies, sitting up. "A ballet dancer." he explains, stretching his arms over his head, then bringing them closer together, forming a loop, fingertips touching.  
  
"You'd be such a pretty ballerina." Harry chuckles, tying his hair up.  
  
"I am!" Louis yells, knitting his eyebrows. "I _am_." he stretches, getting up.  
  
"You are." Harry murmurs, getting closer and placing his hands on Louis' hips, holding him up as he stubbornly tries to shift his weight on his toes, make a clumsy pirouette. "You're the best in the whole academy." He compliments him, kissing his little smile, rubbing their noses together.  
  
"You're my teacher." Louis whispers, shivering under Harry's touch. "Gotta make sure I'm properly stretched and warmed up and flexible." he babbles, already sinking.  
  
"Got a big show tomorrow." he continues, as Harry grabs his wrist, makes him turn around, drags a single finger over his arm.  
  
"Don't let me down, Louis." he tells him, pressing a hand between his shoulder blades, forcing him to straighten his back. "Always mind your posture." he instructs, letting his hands come down, down to the small of his back, tracing his spine like a long shiver.  
  
"Your breathing." he whispers in his ear, wrapping an arm around him, placing his hand on his stomach this time, pushing, until Louis' pressed against him.  
  
"I can still remember the first time I saw you." Harry keeps whispering, lips brushing against the shell of his ear, and Louis' all tense, muscles working, he's minding his posture, but not his breathing.  
  
"You were so young." Harry says. "So beautiful. I knew you were something special since the start."  
  
Then he gently grabs his waist, makes him turn around again, looks in his eyes.  
  
In his glossy, wonderful, blue eyes.  
  
"I knew you could go far," he says. "Be my perfect little star."  
  
Then they kiss and the stars are all over him, in Louis' breath, in his soft whimpers, in Harry's head, exploding in his chest, a whole universe of love collapsing, unraveling, expanding inside of him.  


*****

  


 

 

  


Louis' strong.  
  
He's strong, he tells himself.  
  
He's gonna make it through this.  
  
He has to.  
  
He runs into the apartment as soon as Zayn opens the door, pacing through the living room, settling in the corner of the room, where Niall's munching on chips.  
  
He is strong and he is going to make it through this.  
  
He's going to keep his distance, as much distance as he can from him, refrain from trying to catch his smell, look at his face, touch him.  
  
Beg him.  
  
He can cry once he's back home, away from all of these eyes.  
  
But right now, he's going to be strong.  
  
He owes it to himself.  
  
  
  
  


 

*****

It takes Harry about fifteen minutes to unlock the door of his apartment, while he laughs and trips over his own feet and fumbles with the keys, drops them, picks them up again.  
  
It takes Louis ten seconds to bend over the couch, pull his pants down, arch his back for Harry.  
  
"I'm so drunk." Harry garbles, laughing one more time. Louis is drunk too.  
  
He's probably drunker than him.  
  
He rubs his face against the arm rest, he wiggles his bum.  
  
"Come on, babe." he urges.  
  
Harry's still wasting time with the damn door, as if drinking a bottle of wine made him forget how locks work, as well as what he's supposed to do once Louis takes his clothes off and sticks his ass up for him.  
  
But then again, maybe he didn't.  
  
"Oh, no!" Louis screeches, when he feels Harry's tongue flick against his opening.  
  
Harry pulls back.  
  
"Oh no?" he questions. "Since when?"  
  
Louis chuckles, embarrassed, he sways his hips a little.  
  
"Wasn't expecting that." he mumbles, waiting for Harry to start over, give him another chance.  
  
What he gets is a sharp smack on his cheek, then Harry's long fingers kneading at the flesh, heavy and impatient.  
  
"What were you expecting, then?" he asks him, pressing his erection between his cheeks.  
  
There's still more than one layer of clothes separating them, but it doesn't keep Louis from gasping, from "Oh!" shouting.  
  
Harry chuckles.  
  
"Oh no?" he asks, giving Louis' ass another smack.  
  
Louis shudders.  
  
"Oh, yes." he clarifies. "Yes, definitely."  
  
Harry hums, he unbuttons his pants.  
  
"Are you that desperate, love." he mutters, tapping his cock against the back of Louis thigh.  
  
"You know it's gonna hurt, right?" he husks, spreading his cheeks apart.  
  
Louis licks his lips.  
  
No, it's not.  
  
It's not gonna hurt, 'cause Harry's spent the entire cab ride kissing him and fingering him and promising to fuck him once they were home, and Louis' ready, he's so ready.  
  
But Harry's just trying to read him, read his body, his intentions.  
  
Louis' too busy gagging on his own spit to answer, so Harry tries something else in the meantime.  
  
"Want me to go easy, baby?" he asks him. "Stretch this pretty hole before I put it in you?"  
  
Louis hisses, he shakes his head and "Fuck me." he grits out. "Want you to fuck me."  
  
Harry bends over him, mouth brushing against his ear.  
  
"Is that what you want?" he whispers. "Want me to take you right here? Bent over the couch, still half dressed, all hot and bothered and dying to get my cock inside."  
  
"Yes!" Louis squeals. "Harry."  
  
Harry wraps a hand around his throat, pulls him back until Louis' back is flush against his chest.  
  
"No." he says into his ear this time.  
  
Louis swallows dry, tries to move his hips but Harry keeps him still.  
  
"Stand up." He orders, yanking him up to his feet himself before Louis can react.  
  
Harry doesn't need to tell him how, Louis simply knows, so he just stumbles towards the living room table, splays his hands on it.  
  
Harry's right behind him before he can blink, the tip of his cock pressing against his hole, warning him.  
  
"Fuck me." Louis chokes out. "Shove it in." he urges. "Want your cock." he rambles, and he can't stop, he just _can't_ , he keeps asking, begging, hurrying Harry into it.  
  
"Fill me up." he insists, bending over the table just for a moment before Harry yanks on his arm, makes him straighten up again.  
  
And his cock is still there, teasing him, mocking him, nudging his opening, rubbing against his butt cheeks, between his inner thighs.  
  
"Just put it in." he whines. "Harry, what the hell are you waiting for."  
  
Harry's breathing hard, mouthing at the back of his neck, biting and licking and nibbling on his skin.  
  
"Waiting for you to get even more desperate, baby." he informs him, brushing his fingers up his sides.  
  
Louis shivers, he holds his breath for a moment.  
  
"Love it when you get like this for me." Harry continues, knocking his knees apart, now. "When all you want is my cock, splitting you open, stuffing you full." He tells him, spreading his cheeks apart, letting his hole frantically clench around nothing.  
  
"It's all I want, too." He says, digging his teeth into his shoulder, getting more impatient. "Wanna fuck you so much, so hard, all the time." he mumbles, sucking on the same mark. "Wanna be deep inside you all the time, make you come on my cock."  
  
Then he pulls back, he leaves him there, alone, shaking, empty, and all that keeps Louis from screaming is the fact he knows where he went, knows he's gonna get what he needs.  
  
Harry rushes back to him, fingers slicked up already, he rubs them between his cheeks, on his hole, then inside of him, curling and twisting and _fuck_ , it's so good, but it's not enough.  
  
"Want you, want your cock." Louis begs him, squirming in his grip.  
  
Harry shushes him, he keeps stretching him out only for another minute, pressing himself against him until he can reach his mouth, kiss him, hard, deep, wet, agonizingly well, and then "Here, baby." he coos.  
  
Louis' breath catches in his throat just hearing that, his cock twitches.  
  
"Gonna give it to you, yeah?" Harry reassures him, finally pushing inside. "I only wanna give it to you, wanna give you all you want."  
  
Then he grips his hips, he shoves in deeper, as deep as he can go, he moans.  
  
And it's all it takes, really.  
  
Louis lets out a strangled noise, he pushes back against him, seeking his breath, his skin, his warmth.  
  
And he comes.  


*****

  


 

 

 

  


He barely eats, he barely drinks, he barely talks for the entire duration of their dinner.  
  
Harry bought the same exact bottle of wine.  
  
Maybe it's a good thing Louis' fell to the floor.  
  
The boys would have probably pointed that out, once both Chardonnays were on the table.  
  
Louis wants to drink it, he really does.  
  
But when Harry tapped on his empty glass, silently asking him if he wanted some, his instant reaction was _no_.  
  
"No." he said, then he dragged his chair a bit further away from him.  
  
That's why he can't have any.  
  
Harry would insist on pouring it for him.  
  
Louis wants nothing from him.  
  
Not his wine, not his attention, not his damn eyes on him all the time, like he has any right to stare at him.  
  
He wants nothing from him.  
  
If he could, he'd give him back everything Harry has ever given him.  
  
But then again, he threw it all away.  
  
Harry threw it all away, too.  
  
Everything they had built together.  
  
He just threw it all away.  
  
  
  
  


 

*****

"We broke up." Louis tells him, pushing him against the wall.  
  
Harry's breath catches in his throat.  
  
"Lou, I-"  
  
"And we still love each other." Louis interrupts him, raising his eyebrows.  
  
Harry sighs.  
  
"Baby," he says. "I don't like it, no." he tells him. "Kiwi."  
  
Louis' taken aback, his mouth drops open but no sound comes out.  
  
Harry actually used their safeword.  
  
It's the first time Louis hears it since they picked it, six months ago.  
  
"I never want you to leave me." Harry tells him, serious, pulling him into his arms. "Not even if we're playing." he explains, looking down at his face.  
  
Louis gives him a fed up look, he starts thinking about fifty different ways to make fun of him, but he ends up kissing him.  
  
"What am I, then?" he prompts, yanking on his arms until Harry gets the hint and picks him up.  
  
"You're a unicorn." Harry replies, nibbling on his jaw.  
  
"A bloody unicorn, Harreh?!" Louis laughs.  
  
Harry doesn't, he's fucking serious, he's fucking crazy.  
  
"I'm a unicorn too." he insists, biting on his neck this time. "And it's mating season, love."  
  
He's fucking crazy.  
  
Louis loves him so much.  


*****

  


 

 

 

  


They're all pretending everything is fine.  
  
It's pathetic.  
  
Liam has seen Louis cry and scream and smash half of his furniture onto the floor, and now he's smiling, sipping on wine, giving Louis a small kick under the table every now and then, mouthing "You okay?" so many times, Louis feels like jumping up and screaming, he's definitely considering that option more and more as time goes by.  
  
Niall got him out of bed, threw him in the shower, then onto the couch, shoved a controller in his hands and forced him to take his mind off things, he kept barging into his house any time Louis would disappear on him.  
  
Now he's cracking up at any joke, squirming uncomfortably on his chair, eyes darting back and forth between Harry and Louis, agony all over his face.  
  
Zayn made him smoke so much weed during the first week after the break up, that Louis would always end up with a dumb smile glued to his face, despite how bad he was hurting inside. He cuddled him, he kissed him, he let him believe Harry was still there, sometimes.  
  
Now he's getting up, splaying his hands over the table, sighing.  
  
"Okay, lads." he says. "Time to tell you why I asked you to come here."  
  
  
  
  


 

*****

"Are you guys serious?!" Niall beams, gesturing too excitedly and pouring his beer all over their table.

Harry and Louis exchange a little look, they smile at each other.

"That's great news!" Liam comments, raising his glass.

"Jesus," Zayn sighs, in response. "Now you're gonna start getting pets and making babies and you'll get old and fat and bald."

Louis barks out a laugh.

"Probably, yeah." he chirps, turning towards Harry again, smiling again.

"We're gonna get ugly together." he says, shrugging.

Harry's eyes are glowing, Louis can't stop staring into them, can't wipe that dumb grin off his face.

"You're gonna get married!" Niall shouts, shocked. "You're gonna get married." he repeats, pressing both hands to his cheeks.

Liam subtly takes his beer away from him.

"This is so beautiful." Niall whines, pouting now. "You are so-"

"You're gonna start arguing all the time." Zayn interrupts him. "You're gonna fight over whose turn it is to clean the toilet and water the plants." he continues, unable to disguise the affection in his tone, the supportive smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "And you're gonna stop having sex." he concludes, shaking his head at them.

Louis and Harry look at each other, they smile, they stare, they forget the others for a while.

Then Harry takes a sip of his beer, as Louis "Yeah." replies. "Probably."

Niall's pretending he's got something in his eye to justify the fact he's crying like a baby, all drunk and flushed and blonde as he is.

"We're moving in next week," Louis says, squeezing lightly at Harry's erection. "So you'd better get some nice gifts for our housewarming party." he decides, giving Harry a soft kick when he lets out a little moan.

Then he shakes his fringe out of his eyes, he starts moving his hand up and down, slow and cruel, and "But bring your own booze. Harry and I need to save money for the wedding, right Niall?" he mocks, throwing a chip in his general direction.

They all laugh, but Niall's still crying as well, and he's far from being done.

*****

  


 

 

 

"Look," Zayn sighs, looking down.  
  
He shakes his head.  
  
He looks back up.  
  
"I don't even know how to tell you this." he finally states.  
  
Louis is done.  
  
He is _done_.  
  
"Oh, Zayn, for fuck's sake!" he barks, smacking a hand on the table. "What the hell is it?"  
  
Zayn doesn't even flinch.  
  
Niall and Liam give him a warning look, a silent _Louis_ , the one he gets when he's crossing the line.  
  
Well, fuck them. All of them.  
  
"Speak." he hisses, losing control over his breathing.  
  
Then he sees it.  
  
It's tiny, barely visible, but Louis sees it.  
  
The way Harry's hand twitches, reacting to his distress, the way Harry holds his breath, willing himself not to touch him.  
  
If he touches him, Louis will punch him in his balls, so hard, so fucking hard he's gonna turn Harry into a girl.  
  
He'd better not touch him.  
  
The tension is increasingly rising in the room.  
  
Niall's about to pass out. He's always been shit at handling negative feelings.  
  
"I don't know how to tell you." Zayn repeats, abruptly cutting the silence. "So I wrote a letter."  
  
  
  
  
  


*****

"I'm a mermaid." Louis decides, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck. "You're on holiday. Somewhere tropical, like-"  
  
"No, no-" Harry mutters, leaving what's left of his sandwich on the desk. "You're a fairy." he says, bending down to mouth at his neck.  
  
Louis scoffs.  
  
"I was a fairy last week, Harry." he complains, barely resisting as he gets pushed towards the bed.  
  
"You're my pretty, small, delicate fairy." Harry ignores him, sneaking his hands under Louis' shirt, dragging them up his back. "You're so small." he rambles, as Louis rolls his eyes, hides his smile. "If I'm not careful I might hurt you." Harry keeps going, letting go of Louis to rummage through his drawers.  
  
And Louis' expecting him to grab some lube, not _that_.  
  
He swallows.  
  
"What is that?" he asks, voice getting high pitched and unsure.  
  
Harry "Hush." tells him. "It's your flower crown, can't you see?" he asks him, getting closer.  
  
Louis' embarrassed, he really is, he's clearly gonna get fucked with that frilly thing on his head, and it's cute, but it's weird, and he's not sure whether he tolerates it or just fucking loves it.  
  
"You lost it the other day, didn't you?" Harry prompts, walking him into the corner of the room. "But I found it, kept it for you."  
  
Louis takes a deep breath, slowly slipping into it.  
  
"How could I thank you?" he wonders, staring at him as Harry gently places it on his head. When he's done he grabs his chin, he tilts his head back up.  
  
"Fuck." he murmurs.  
  
Louis reaches up, brushes his fingers on it, studies the texture.  
  
He wants to see it.  
  
"You look-" Harry blurts out, breathing harder now. "Fuck, Lou. You look incredible."  
  
Louis wants to see it.  
  
So he pushes Harry away, he makes his way to the mirror.  
  
Well.  
  
That does look pretty.  
  
The pastel colors, the flowers, the way it makes him feel, all about it seems right.  
  
Louis feels pretty.  
  
He feels small, delicate, like Harry might break him, if he's not careful enough.  
  
He needs to tell him, needs to make sure Harry's going to control himself.  
  
"You can have me." he decides, turning around, blinking slowly. Harry's about to crawl out of his skin.  
  
"But you have to promise me," Louis spells out, raising his hands up when Harry moves an impatient step towards him.  
  
Harry stops.  
  
"That you won't forget what you're dealing with. That you won't hurt me." Louis tells him. "Promise me."  
  
Harry starts moving again. Slow, careful, focused.  
  
He drops to his knees.  
  
"I promise you." he whispers. "Trust me, I promise you." he presses, taking Louis' hand, leaving a small kiss on each of his fingers. "I would never hurt you." He reassures him, looking up at him, green eyes sparkling with need, love, lust.  
  
Louis pulls his hand back, he runs his fingers through Harry's hair, he hums.  
  
"You can have me, then." he states. "Take me."  
  
Harry pushes himself up, so fast Louis flinches, he presses him to his chest, arms holding him firmly in place.  
  
Louis can feel his heart thumping, hard and fast, just about as fast as his own.  
  
He can feel the way Harry's arms are aching to hold tighter, but don't.  
  
He taps his fingers against Harry's back and Harry lets go, gives him back his space, lets him breathe.  
  
Louis watches him, keeps his eyes trained on him, as he slips out of his clothes, takes his time, lets Harry hold his precious crown as he gets rid of his T-shirt, lets Harry place it back on his head once he's naked.  
  
Then Harry's watching him, keeps his eyes fixed on him, pupils blown, as Louis sits on his bed, leans back, rests his weight on his elbows.  
  
"I'm a flower." he whispers, parting his legs. "Be my sun." he whispers, batting his long eyelashes. "Open me up." he whispers, wetting his lips. "Take care of me." he whispers, nodding his head when Harry sits beside him.  
  
"I need you." he whispers, breathing fast. "Need your warmth."  
  
Harry's hands are shaking when he rubs them on Louis' thighs, on Louis' tummy, and his lips are shaking, when he presses them to Louis' mouth.  
  
"Open me up." Louis urges, flicking his tongue against Harry's bottom lip.  
  
So Harry does.  
  
He opens him up, like a delicate flower, easy, slowly, carefully, fingers shaking as they slip in and out of him.  
  
"Enough." Louis says, squeezing his eyes shut. "I want you, now." he tells him, sitting up on the bed, feeling sore and vulnerable and empty, helping Harry out of his clothes, climbing on top of him when he's naked.  
  
"Inside." he mewls, lifting his hips up for him.  
  
Harry wraps an arm around him, keeps him in place, eases the tip of his cock past Louis' opening, then he shudders.  
  
"Don't wanna hurt you." he grits out.  
  
"You won't." Louis reminds him, sinking down onto his cock, whimpering softly as Harry fills him up, carefully pushing his hips up, until they're locked together.  
  
"I know you won't." Louis murmurs, rocking his hips.  
  
Harry doesn't hurt him.  
  
He fucks him like he's scared he might break him, like the smallest mistake might shatter him.  
  
He comes inside of him, moaning, kissing him, and he keeps perfectly still, like the smallest movement might smash him into pieces.  
  
He doesn't know that Louis has never felt so complete.  


*****

  


 

 

 

  


Louis' the one who needs to step in, as usual.  
  
So he paces through Zayn's bedroom, while the rest of them quietly follow behind, and he grabs the piece of paper resting on his desk.  
  
It's folded in half.  
  
He looks at it for a while, then he looks over his shoulder, ignoring once again Harry's face, focusing on Zayn's eyes.  
  
"Should I read it?" he asks, shrugging.  
  
Zayn nods.  
  
Louis turns around again, he slowly unfolds the letter, then he has to squint, bring it much closer to his face, 'cause there's not much scribbled onto it and, on top of that, the words are small, tiny, almost invisible.  
  
"What the fuck." he mutters, blinking his eyes repeatedly, trying to get them to work.  
  
Harry's cologne is not distracting him, not at all.  
  
He narrows his eyes even more, he tries to place the letter back onto the desk - it still makes no sense - and he picks it back up.  
  
It takes about a year.  
  
But in the end, he manages to understand what it says.  
  
He thinks.  
  
"Time?" he utters. "Time-" then he stops, because _what the fuck_ , he shuts his eyes.  
  
He snaps them open, he buries his nose into the letter again.  
  
"Time..." he repeats, focusing as hard as he can. "Out?" he wonders, shrugging.  
  
"Time out?" he questions, turning around.  
  
But no one answers, because three out of four people in the room are slowly walking backwards, then into the hallway and then.  
  
Then they're shutting the door.  
  
"What does it mean?" Harry asks him, furrowing his eyebrows.  
  
What the fuck does Louis know.  
  
"What the fuck do I know?" he yells, feeling as if Harry's voice just stabbed him in his stomach.  
  
Harry bites on his lip, he lowers his gaze.  
  
Then Niall's voice makes its way to them, from the other side of the door.  
  
"It means you're in time-out!" he yells. "Until you fix this shit!"  
  
"Yeah, fix it!" Liam echoes.  
  
Louis is so. He's so-  
  
"Enough of this nonsense, boys." Zayn adds.  
  
Uh.  
  
They're kidding.  
  
Louis laughs.  
  
They're kidding, right?  
  
_Right?_


	3. Poison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfiction is killing me.  
> That's all I have to say.
> 
>  

"Open this fucking door!"  
  
Louis stubbornly pulls at the handle, again, again, again.  
  
"Open the door!" he yells, banging his fists against it.  
  
It's not funny.  
  
This is not good for him, it's the exact opposite of what he wants.  
  
This might actually kill him.  
  
"I swear to God." he grits out, crouching down and speaking through the keyhole. "I'm gonna kill all of you."  
  
He can hear them talk out there, can't make out what they're saying but-  
  
"I know you're there." he hisses. "Let me out."  
  
It's Zayn, it's him _again_ , who steps in.  
  
Louis' going to kill him so hard.  
  
"I'm gonna let you out, babe." He tells him. "Once you and Harry talk to each other."  
  
Louis can feel his blood positively freezing inside of his veins.  
  
"Open the door." is all he can say. "Open the door."  
  
He hears someone clicking their tongue, then Niall's laughter, the extremely nervous one that startles him and makes him jump every time.  
  
"That's all you need to do, guys." Zayn continues. "Just talk. We'll wait for you in the living room."  
  
Louis gasps, he holds tighter onto the cold handle.  
  
Then he swallows, he hears them moving away and "Wait!" he shouts. "What the hell do you mean you're gonna wait for us-" he stops, because he's just said _us_ , he's just said that. He breathes in. "When you locked us in here like two damn animals?!"  
  
Liam's the one with an answer this time.  
  
"Don't worry." he casually replies. "We'll check on you every now and then."  
  
Liam does have an answer.  
  
It's just a really shitty one.

 

 

 

 

"Want me to break it down?"  
  
Louis cannot deal with him right now.  
  
He hears him breathe in, get ready to say more stupid shit, probably.  
  
"Maybe I could use, uh, don't know. Oh, wait. This chair. I could try and smash it against the door."  
  
More stupid shit it is.  
  
He hears him take another breath.  
  
"Or maybe we could just talk. I mean-"  
  
"Maybe you could shut the fuck up." Louis mutters, pressing his forehead to the wall.  
  
He's been sitting there for what feels like a century, but it's probably more like five minutes.  
  
Five minutes, which, if multiplied by three excruciating months of not seeing Harry after two years of blissful relationship, plus the fucks Louis gives about him now - which is zero, by the way - and divided by the number of times he's promised himself he would never forgive him, equals exactly _a century_.  
  
He's been sitting on the floor for a whole century, and every second feels like days, every word coming out of Harry's mouth feels like poison, everything he's tried to open the damn door isn't working.  
  
That includes kicking, punching, pulling, pushing, cursing, yelling, and a lot of life threats.  
  
But none of the boys heard those, because they are in the living room.  
  
_Waiting for them_.  
  
Louis is so going to kill them. If he doesn't die, first.  
  
"Would you at least look at me?" Harry tells him.  
  
Every single word coming out of Harry's mouth makes him choke.  
  
Poison, poison, poison.  
  
Louis is going to die.

 

 

 

*****

"Look at me." Harry husks, gently pulling on his hair.  
  
Louis smiles around his cock, he sighs, eyes closed.  
  
He brings his hands up, resting them on Harry's stomach, feeling the strain in his muscles.  
  
"Look at me." Harry pants, trying not push his hips forward. "Open those pretty eyes for me, come on."  
  
Louis' unconsciously wiggling his ass at this point, _he's wagging his fucking tail for him_ , stubbornly keeping his eyes shut.  
  
He's barely suckling on the tip, slow and lazy, teasing.  
  
He's breathing through his nose, whimpering when Harry tangles his fingers through his hair.  
  
"Baby," Harry insists, as his abs tense up under Louis' hands. "You're trying to drive me crazy, aren't you."  
  
Louis hums, cock twitching every time Harry talks to him.  
  
"It's working." Harry continues, splaying his hand over Louis' head, keeping it there, heavy and threatening. "You naughty little thing." he hisses, just as Louis lets his cock slide out of his mouth, spits on the head.  
  
"Louis." Harry snaps. "Fuck." he growls, gripping on his jaw. "Careful, now."  
  
Louis giggles, but he still doesn't look up.

*****

 

 

 

 

"Look at me." Harry presses, breath getting heavy and ragged.  
  
Louis bites on the inside of his cheeks, teeth sinking inside the delicate flesh, until the pain finally hits him, fast and sharp, keeps him grounded.  
  
"No." he hisses. "Stop asking me."  
  
He hears Harry exhale, shuffle behind him.  
  
He suddenly tenses up.  
  
"Look at you." Harry spits out. "You're acting like a fucking child."  
  
Louis bites at his bottom lip this time, teeth digging into it, slow and steady, until he can no longer breathe.  
  
He rests his head against the wall again.  
  
Why would he look at him when all he wants to do is forget he exists.

 

 

 

 

*****

"Look at me." Harry moans, forcing his cock back into Louis' mouth.  
  
Louis moans too, warm and soft around Harry's flesh, throat working as he takes him deeper in.  
  
He's arching his back now, knees aching on the cold floor, he's swaying his hips side to side.  
  
"I know, baby." Harry tells him. "Starting too feel a bit too empty, yeah?"  
  
Louis whimpers, he breathes, he swallows around Harry's cock.  
  
"Want my fingers again?" Harry asks him, gently pulling out of his mouth despite Louis' attempts to keep him there. "Want me to open you up a bit more?"  
  
Louis digs his nails into his own thighs.  
  
He lowers his head to catch his breath, to forget how _empty_ he is, mouth watering and full of Harry's taste, hole clenching and aching for him.  
  
"Wanna fill you up." Harry grits out, running his fingers through his hair again. "All of your little holes." he adds, slipping two of his fingers inside Louis' mouth.  
  
Louis immediately sucks them in, bites on them, angry and desperate, but he doesn't look up.

*****

  


 

 

 

 

"Are you done?" Harry asks him, after a few minutes of silence.  
  
Louis shrugs, keeps scraping his nails against the hard surface, tearing yet another piece of wallpaper off.  
  
Might as well wreck Zayn's room, while he's at it.  
  
He hears him moving again, getting closer, closer, too close.  
  
"Don't you dare touch me." he admonishes. "Back off."  
  
"Get up." Harry retorts. "Get your ass up."  
  
Louis looks down at his hands, at the small drops of blood collecting under his nails.  
  
"Or you'll do what?" he snarls, sucking on the tip on his ring finger.  
  
Harry crouches down behind him.  
  
He breathes on him, on the back of his neck, fast and hot and resentful. He doesn't touch him.  
  
"Turn around." he mutters. "Look at me."

 

 

 

 

*****

"Turn around." Harry huffs out, yanking him up to his feet.  
  
Louis' thrown off balance, he stumbles back for a moment before Harry's hands grip on his hips, steadying him.  
  
He clings to his arms, breath catching in his throat.  
  
"You need to get spanked, I think." Harry informs him, reaching down to squeeze his ass with both hands. "Don't you?"  
  
Louis chokes on his own tongue, he nods, head spinning, room spinning as Harry makes him turn around, guides his hands up and against the wall.  
  
"What's it gonna take to make you behave? How many?" he asks, nudging his knee against his thigh, until Louis spreads his legs a little.  
  
"A lot." Louis blurts out, leaning against the wall. "Just-"  
  
Harry wraps his hand around the back of his neck.  
  
He clicks his tongue.  
  
"You're getting a bit too wild, baby." he scolds. He suddenly lets go of him, breaking contact. "Focus."  
  
Louis licks his lips, heart thumping furiously in his chest, he bows his head to suck more air in, let it flow through his lungs until he's not dizzy anymore.  
  
"Not behaving." he pants, shifting on his feet.  
  
"That's right, love. You're not." Harry agrees, standing up behind him, so close, but not touching him yet.  
  
Louis rests his forehead against the wall, relieved by the cold sensation on his burning skin.  
  
"Need you to-" he stops, struggling to swallow around the lump in his throat.  
  
"What is it, baby. Tell me." Harry encourages. "What do you need?"  
  
Louis breathes in again, slow and deep, unable to lift his head up. He focuses on keeping his legs from giving out instead, he opens his hands, until they're flat against the wall.  
  
"Need you to spank me." He finally says, with a tiny bit of voice.  
  
Harry hears him.  
  
His hand suddenly lands on his ass, harsh and fast.  
  
Louis lets out a little squeal, he slumps forward but he soon comes back to his senses, pushes his body off the wall enough to offer himself, arching his back again.  
  
He doesn't move this time, he stays still, behaves, lets Harry teach him, discipline him, give him what he deserves.  
  
"I'm always gonna give you what you need."  
  
_What he needs_.  
  
"I know." Louis whines, gritting his teeth when Harry's fingers start kneading at the sensitive flesh, pain flaring up, spreading through his skin. "More."  
  
Harry's pressing gentle, dry kisses to his neck, to his shoulder, hand carefully rubbing those spots where bruises will be forming soon.  
  
"No, baby." he decides. "Enough."  
  
Louis leans his head back, resting it against Harry's chest.  
  
"But I need more." he whines, resisting when Harry tries to make him turn around again. "One more." he mewls, shuddering in Harry's arms.  
  
Harry holds him close for a moment, holds him up as Louis slumps against him, tired and overwhelmed.  
  
"Okay." he allows, in the end. "Just one."  
  
Louis lets go of the breath he was holding and the next moment he's back against the wall and Harry's spreading his legs, he's waiting until Louis' properly holding himself up on his own, before letting go of his hips.  
  
Louis can only wait, tensing up and breathing erratically, skin prickling with anticipation.  
  
Harry's hand lands on him with a loud smacking noise, it tears through the silence, it echoes in Louis' head until he finds himself shifting his weight on his tiptoes, hissing at the pain, whimpering for more. He wants one more.  
  
"Enough, baby." Harry reminds him.  
  
Louis bites on his lip, forcing himself to let go.  
  
"Get on your knees, now." Harry instructs.  
  
Louis turns around, eyes still closed while he tries to come back down, clinging to Harry's hands as he sinks to his knees.  
  
"Good." Harry praises him. "Doing so good, baby."  
  
Louis blinks his eyes open.  
  
"You look so pretty." Harry continues, holding Louis' chin with one hand, using the other one to brush his damp fringe back. "So beautiful, so good for me."  
  
Louis' subconsciously swaying his hips again, desperately clutching to Harry's hand until he manages to pry it off his face and bring it down to his mouth, sucking and nibbling on his fingers.  
  
"Want my cock?" Harry asks him then, low and sweet.  
  
It's all it takes for Louis to let go of his hand and get his mouth back on him, lips stretched around Harry's cock, tongue swiping over the tip, throat relaxing as he pushes him in.  
  
Harry lets out a moan, he lets Louis take his time, find his rhythm, catch his breath and then "Look at me, baby." he instructs. "Look up."  
  
Louis lifts his gaze up to his face, he blinks slowly, until Harry's eyes come into focus, so green and wide and breathtaking, staring back at him like he's the most precious thing on the planet, and Louis' shivering but he feels warm. He's on the floor, his knees are stinging, his throat is closing up around Harry's cock, his eyes are welling up with tears, he's so small and naked and vulnerable and empty, but all he can do is stay exactly where he is, looking into Harry's eyes for comfort and relief.  
  
"I love you so fucking much." Harry whispers to him, brushing his fingers on his cheek. "You'll be the death of me."  
  
Louis whimpers around his cock, he shoves it deeper down his throat.  
  
And he's on his knees for him, he's small and naked and spread open, achingly empty and completely unafraid.  
  
Because Harry's always going to give him what he needs.  
  
All Louis has to do is look at him.

*****

  


 

 

 

 

Louis' looking at him.  
  
Right into his eyes, right into that mess of colors and shades and cruelty and lies.  
  
"Now what?" he spits out, curling his lips in a bitter smile. "I'm looking at you." he hisses. "And I still want nothing to do with you."  
  
Harry winces, he sucks in his bottom lip.  
  
Then he nods, he sighs.  
  
"Okay." he decides, slowly getting up. "That's good, letting some of that anger out."  
  
Louis' mouth falls open.  
  
He finds himself laughing, completely shocked, lost, _furious_.  
  
"You want me to let it out?" he provokes, getting up as well, glaring at him, stepping right in front of him.  
  
Harry shrugs.  
  
"It might help." he guesses, scratching the back of his head.  
  
Louis laughs again.  
  
"Oh, okay, yeah." He rambles. "Let's give it a shot."  
  
Harry's still nodding when Zayn's pillow hits him right in his face, with such force he gasps and stumbles back, finds himself splayed on the desk, knocking just about everything down, losing one of his shoes in the process.  
  
"Nope, not working." Louis chirps. "I still fucking hate you."

 

 

 

 

*****

Louis' lying on his back, lazy smile on his lips, thin layer of sweat on his skin, fighting his own body not to fall asleep.  
  
That's not sexy, passing out as soon as you come. They've been dating for a few months, he still needs to be sexy.  
  
But he can't help it, his eyelids keep slipping closed, and it takes him a little more to open his eyes every time it happens.  
  
He's still smiling.  
  
"Lou?" Harry calls him, brushing his fingers through his hair.  
  
Louis turns to look at him.  
  
Harry looks just as sleepy and relaxed, he's naked and he's warm and Louis kinda wants to go again.  
  
He stretches his legs, his arms, "Yes?" he croaks out.  
  
Harry's gaze is still focused on him, on his face, when "I just wanted to tell you that-" he whispers.  
  
Louis turns around until he's lying on his side, looking up at his face.  
  
Harry huffs out a laugh.  
  
He smiles at him, eyes positively sparkling, then he clears his throat and "I just wanted to tell you that I love you." he says.  
  
Louis is definitely awake, now.  
  
He dumbly blinks up at him, wondering if he's heard that right, when Harry laughs again, he leans closer to press a small kiss to his mouth.  
  
"Don't act surprised." he says. "You said it first."  
  
Louis pulls back, eyes gone wide in disbelief.  
  
"I did not!" he spells out, laying an outraged hand on his own chest. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Harry gives him an unimpressed look.  
  
"You say a lot of shit when you're about to fall asleep, you know." he informs him, shrugging.  
  
Oh my god, does he.  
  
"Do I?" Louis blurts out, unable to ignore the warmth spreading through his cheeks.  
  
Harry nods, smile lingering on his plump lips, he reaches out to rest a hand on his face.  
  
"It's usually something about being hot or cold or tired or hungry." he explains. "But lately you've been saying those three pretty words quite often." he adds, cocky.  
  
"It doesn't count." Louis quickly retorts, grabbing Harry's wrist to push his hand away. "What you say in bed never counts."  
  
And he'd like it to sound confident but it's quite obvious that he's freaking out.  
  
"So, no." he continues. "You said it first." he decides, squinting his eyes at him.  
  
Harry gives him a little nod.  
  
"Okay." he resolves. "But I said it in bed, so I guess it doesn't count." he realizes, shrugging.  
  
Louis pinches his arm.  
  
"It does, 'cause you're wide awake!" he argues.  
  
Harry laughs, he slaps his hands away.  
  
"No, I'm not." he mumbles, closing his eyes and letting out cartoonish snoring sounds.  
  
Louis climbs over him, "You idiot." he hisses, leaning down to bite at his lips.  
  
Harry's smiling, still snoring, hands travelling up Louis' back.  
  
Louis sighs, he rolls his eyes at him even though Harry won't see it and "Okay, fine." he laughs. "I love you too."

 

*****

  


 

 

 

 

"Hate is a big word."  
  
"Do you want me to hit you again?" Louis snaps. "Because I will."  
  
Harry frowns at him.  
  
"I'm fine with that, as long as your weapon of choice is a pillow."  
  
Oh, so he thinks he's funny now.  
  
"Do I look amused?" Louis asks him, pointing a finger to his own face. "What does this look like?"  
  
Harry sighs.  
  
"It looks like you want to chop my head off." he admits, leaning against the wall. "And feed it to dogs, probably."  
  
"I'm thinking pigs would be more appropriate." Louis shoots back, leaning against the opposite side of the room, crossing his arms over his chest. "But you're not worth the trouble." he adds, corking an eyebrow.  
  
Harry's frown is instantly back on his face.  
  
"You think you're the only one who has a right to be mad?" he blurts out, brushing his hair out of his face. "Because if I remember correctly-"  
  
"You got some fucking nerve!" Louis cuts him off, raising his voice, throwing his hands into the air. "You're unbelievable."  
  
Harry shifts on his feet, he lowers his gaze for a moment, down to his feet, both the one that's still wearing a shoe and the one without. He tips his head back up, glaring at him.  
  
"You just left." he hisses. "You took your shit and you left."  
  
Louis leans over.  
  
"Yeah, I did." he calmly observes, fumbling with his shoe laces. "I left." he admits, taking his sneaker off.  
  
Harry knows what's coming.  
  
"Because you're disgusting," Louis continues. "You're a liar," he adds. "And I'm glad I found out," he explains. "Because I still have plenty of time to start over."  
  
Then he straightens his back, he narrows his eyes, he aims at Harry's crotch despite the fact he's covered it with his hands since Louis began speaking.  
  
"I've wasted enough time with you." Louis concludes, changing his mind at the last second and throwing his shoe right in Harry's chest.

 

 

 

 

"What do you mean start over?" Harry asks, ducking just in time to avoid Louis' other shoe. "Are you seeing someone?"  
  
Louis freezes.  
  
The book he was planning to smack in Harry's face falls to the floor.  
  
"Maybe." he blurts out. "What if I am. It's none of your business."  
  
Something hits him, something small and soft, bumps against his forehead and rolls over into a corner.  
  
Louis confusedly blinks at it.  
  
"Did you just throw one of Zayn's dirty socks in my face?"  
  
"I did." Harry states. "And it is. It is my business."

 

 

 

 

*****

"Harry, I barely talked to him!" Louis complains, rolling his eyes. "Stop being a dick."  
  
Harry throws his car keys onto the table, helplessly staring at them when they slide right off of it and hit the floor.  
  
"You were flirting with him." He corrects, knitting his eyebrows together. "Big time."  
  
Louis lets out a surprised laugh.  
  
"What are you talking about?!" he shrieks.  
  
Harry laughs too, but it's a nervous one, coming right out of his guts.  
  
"You were flirting like an idiot." He argues, pausing to take his jacket off and toss it on a chair.  
  
"I honestly wasn't!" Louis insists, moving a step towards him.  
  
Before he can reach him, Harry paces through the room, and it's quick, it's sudden, that's why Louis trips on his own feet and falls onto the couch.  
  
Harry leans over him.  
  
"Honestly?" he questions, raising his eyebrows. " _Honestly?_ " he insists. "You still think I don't know when you're lying?"  
  
Louis swallows dry.  
  
"Okay." he whispers. "Okay, yeah, I was flirting a bit."  
  
He reaches out for him, tries to cling to his arm to stand back up, but Harry abruptly pulls back, leaves him right there, flushed and tense and stuck in the soft cushions.  
  
"Oh, come on!" Louis shouts, rolling onto the floor. He considers crawling his way to the bedroom, but he's not drunk enough for that.  
  
Walking will work.  
  
"Harry, come here. Don't be like that."  
  
When he enters the room Harry's taking his clothes off, tearing them off more like, randomly throwing them into the closet.  
  
"I've told you a thousand times." he grits out, struggling to get out of his skinny jeans.  
  
Louis won't laugh. It would be inappropriate.  
  
He disguises his giggle with a small coughing fit.  
  
"If you want to fuck someone else," Harry continues, finally tossing his jeans into the closet and slamming it closed. "You just tell me. We can discuss that."  
  
Louis might believe him, if it wasn't for the terrified expression scrunching up his face as he says it.  
  
He sighs.  
  
"You are so jealous." he resolves, shrugging one shoulder.  
  
Harry's gritting his teeth.  
  
"Of course I am." he mutters, kicking his shoes out of his way.  
  
Louis lets out a little gasp.  
  
Is Harry actually admitting it?  
  
"Are you?" Louis asks, placing a hand over his own chest.  
  
Harry bites on his lip, but it's too late to take it back now.  
  
"You're the hottest little thing that's ever walked on the planet." he mumbles, still chewing on his lip. "I end up wanting to kill someone every time I take you out."  
  
Louis feels a rush of excitement coursing through him, can't help reacting with a smile.  
  
"You are so fucking jealous!" he yells, running towards him and jumping right up into his arms, not caring too much when Harry ends up bumping his head against the closet.  
  
Louis laughs, he curls his legs around his waist, his arms around his neck, and he pecks his lips, again and again until Harry's offended pout starts fading out.  
  
"You're jealous too." Harry mutters, frowning at him.  
  
Louis scoffs.  
  
"No, I'm not." he disagrees, biting on Harry's sharp jaw.  
  
"Yes, you are." Harry presses, giving his ass a little squeeze. "Only picturing me with someone else drives you crazy. Only thinking someone might like me makes you-"  
  
"Shush!" Louis interrupts him, smacking a hand against Harry's forehead. "You need to shut up and kiss me and fuck me and show me how much you want me to be yours." he instructs, as Harry positively throws him onto bed.  
  
And Louis wasn't done speaking but Harry's already on him, heavy and horny and hot, kissing him so hard Louis whines and melts, just lies there, ready to find out just how much Harry wants him for himself.  
  
He's too stupid to realize Louis already belongs to him.

*****

  


 

 

 

 

"Oh no, I don't think so." Louis stops him, shaking his head, lips distorted by a disappointed grin. "If you think you can ask me this kind of shit, you're out of your mind."  
  
Harry presses his lips together, he shoots him a furious look.  
  
He's definitely losing control over his _mature, reasonable, diplomatic young man_ bullshit.  
  
Harry doesn't want to calmly talk this out.  
  
Right now he wants to punch the wall, it's written all over his face and Louis can read him so well.  
  
It actually makes him feel a tiny bit better.  
  
Like he might be able to handle this, for the first time since he got confined in this personalized miniature hell.  
  
"I don't care if it upsets you." he presses, flicking his fringe out of his face. "We're not together anymore. The sooner you deal with the fact I'm going to start dating other people, the better. That's just how life works, Harry."  
  
"You know how life works?" Harry shoots back, as his mouth curves into a pleased grin. "When you get all caught up acting like a little bitch to upset me, you don't realize what's coming out of your mouth." he proudly explains, lifting his shoulders in a cocky shrug.  
  
Louis narrows his eyes.  
  
"And what would that be?" he challenges, as a new rush of adrenaline starts coursing through his veins.  
  
Harry's still smirking when "Bullshit." he simply explains.  
  
Then he stares at Louis, at his confused expression, at his frown, and he lets him suffer through it just a little longer, just enough to have him rolling his eyes, before clearing his doubts.  
  
"You said you're going to start dating other people." he finally says, looking right into his eyes. "Which means you haven't started yet. Which means you did answer me. But don't get upset about it," he advises, mocking him with a little pout. "That's just how life works."  
  
Louis smiles at him.  
  
He gives him an actual, innocent, beautiful smile.  
  
When he bends over the floor to retrieve the book and throw it in his shin, Harry's not surprised.  
  
He kinda saw it coming.

 

 

 

 

"This is stupid." Louis observes, dropping his gaze down to his feet.  
  
He's wearing two different socks. That is stupid, too.  
  
"I don't wanna do this." he continues, shutting his eyes for a moment. "I have nothing to say to you. I have no interest in hearing what you want to say. It's pointless and we're wasting our time."  
  
Harry lets out a bitter laugh, makes Louis' head snap back up.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
Harry's shaking his head, he's coughing out what's left of his laughter.  
  
"You're such a good actor." he tells him, sounding strangely proud. "Slipped right into your role, haven't you?"  
  
Louis digs his nails into his palms, barely fighting the anger sparking up inside of him.  
  
"What are you talking about." he grits out, forcing himself to stay glued to the wall not to just run over there and kick him.  
  
He'd love to kick him.  
  
And stomp on his foot.  
  
Maybe pull out his hair.  
  
Harry bites his lip, dimples showing at each side of his mouth.  
  
"You think I magically forgot how you get, when something's troubling you?" he asks him, tilting his head. "I know you, Louis. Like the back of my hand."

 

 

 

 

*****

"What, you think I don't know you?"  
  
Louis levels him with an unimpressed look.  
  
"You know very little." he retorts, with a little shrug.  
  
Harry raises his eyebrows, as he places a steamy cup in Louis' little hands. His little _cold_ hands.  
  
"I know you hate rain." he informs him, pressing a finger to his own chin. "But you came all the way over here during a storm."  
  
Louis hides half of his face in his cup, carefully blowing inside of it.  
  
He lets out a vague sound, he shrugs again.  
  
Harry leans against the wall, he rubs his chin a little more.  
  
"I know that when you wear those sweats-" he starts, pointing to Louis' legs.  
  
Louis crosses them defensively.  
  
"You're feeling cranky." Harry continues, knitting his eyebrows.  
  
Louis takes a tentative sip, sucking in his bottom lip right after.  
  
"I know that tea's too hot." Harry laughs, brushing his hair back.  
  
Louis squints his eyes at him, he takes another painful sip just to spite him.  
  
Harry shakes his head at him.  
  
"Okay, we've only been together for a few months," he observes, taking a moment to determine what Louis' trying to tell him, with his hand raised up.  
  
"Yes," he finally understands. "Five months, Louis, I remember."  
  
Louis drags his hand back down, wrapping it around the warm ceramic.  
  
He shrugs.  
  
"But I spent most of it staring at you, you know." Harry informs him, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
Louis finally puts the cup down onto the bedside table and "Creep." he hisses.  
  
Harry laughs.  
  
"You love it." he retorts, smirking at him. "Love having my attention, don't you?"  
  
Louis straightens his back, he rubs his feet on the duvet for a while, before bothering to answer.  
  
"I love having everyone's attention." he dismisses, lying on his side.  
  
Harry becomes serious.  
  
"What happened, baby?" he asks, shuffling closer to him.  
  
Louis curls up a little, but he makes an effort to keep a cold expression.  
  
"Nothing." he chirps, covering his mouth as he yawns. "Just thought I'd drop by."  
  
Harry rolls his eyes. It must be contagious.  
  
"It's raining, Louis." he reminds him, furrowing his eyebrows.  
  
Then he paces through the room, he fumbles with the window and the curtain to keep more water from pouring in.  
  
Louis rolls onto his tummy, he sinks his face into Harry's pillow.  
  
"Yeah, it's raining." he scoffs, looking at him from over his shoulder. "And it's cold." he adds, squinting his eyes at him.  
  
Harry lets out an exhausted breath.  
  
"And if I lay there with you," he considers, glaring at him now. "You won't get your hands on me and make me so hot I forget about it, will you?"  
  
Louis replies with a coy smile, a corked eyebrow.  
  
"Forget about what?" he innocently asks, pouting.  
  
Harry drags a hand over his face.  
  
"Louis." he hisses, making his way to him all the same.  
  
Louis rolls onto his back, he smiles at him but his eyes look sad and cold. Like they're holding a storm.  
  
Harry climbs onto bed, he carefully settles between his thighs, hands flying up to stroke his fringe back and out of his face.  
  
"You're so pretty." he whispers, rubbing their noses together.  
  
Louis pushes him off, he rolls his eyes at him.  
  
Harry does the same, he even sticks his tongue out as he looks up at the ceiling.  
  
"What a boring, cheesy boyfriend you've got." he rants, dropping his head down to look at him.  
  
He's expecting to find him smiling, maybe making a face at him, but no, Louis suddenly got serious.  
  
"Give me a kiss." he tells him, tilting his chin up, squeezing his eyes shut.  
  
Harry brushes his hand over his forehead again, he takes a good look at his face before kissing him.  
  
"I look at you a lot." he says into his mouth, making Louis break away from him, shove at his chest again.  
  
But his eyes are fixed on his face. He's waiting.  
  
And he's scared.  
  
He's cold.  
  
He's sad and small and he needs him.  
  
Harry traces his nose with one finger, he sees him taking a shaky breath.  
  
"You do this thing, when you're about to cry." he tells him, dragging his fingers back up, tracing his eyebrows, then his nose again, his mouth.  
  
Louis bites on his lip. He looks up at him and he waits.  
  
"I gave it a name." Harry continues, holding his confused gaze. "The eyeshadow." he finally says, thoughtful, maybe a little proud of himself.  
  
Louis frowns at him.  
  
"What?" he snaps, turning his face away.  
  
Harry chuckles.  
  
"Yeah, 'cause-" he starts over, taking a moment to grab his chin and make him turn his head again. Louis holds his breath for a moment, he shoots him an enraged look.  
  
"Your eyelids get this flush. They get all pink." Harry explains, stroking his fingers over them.  
  
Then he drags his hand down, he rests it on Louis' chest, pressed to where his heart is thumping furiously.  
  
"No, they don't." Louis argues weakly, sniffling a little. "You're making shit up."  
  
Harry smiles fondly at him, he scrunches up his nose.  
  
"I know you so well." he teases, leaning closer to his face.  
  
Louis tries to kick him off, but he's laughing a little, while he stubbornly holds back a couple tears.  
  
"If you really knew me, you'd make me another cup of tea." he snarls, pulling on his curls. " 'cause mine's gone cold."  
  
Harry bites on his neck, teeth barely digging in, then he pulls back, he squeezes Louis' whole face into one of his big hands and "Your wish is my command, my love." he resolves, rolling off the bed.

*****

  


 

 

 

 

"Okay, you're right, I'm not dating!" Louis barks, subconsciously leaning forward. "But that doesn't mean I'm not fucking someone else, have you thought about that?"  
  
Harry's eyes widen as he swallows dry.  
  
A burning silence quickly fills up the space between them.  
  
Louis resists the urge to tear his gaze away from him, he stares intently in his eyes, trying to make sure Harry falls for it.  
  
He's definitely falling for it.  
  
"Have you really slept with someone else?" He croaks out, breathing faster now.  
  
Louis shrugs, he tilts his chin up.  
  
"Maybe I have." he chirps, feeling cocky again.  
  
But it doesn't last long.  
  
Only five seconds go by, before a voice suddenly interjects in their conversation.  
  
"No, you haven't!"  
  
It sounds like Niall.  
  
Niall is a dead man.  
  
Louis inhales sharply, he bangs his fist against the door.  
  
"Shut your mouth!" he snaps. "I swear to God, Niall! Wait until I get out of here, I'll fuck you up, you little-"  
  
He only stops yelling because his attention suddenly shifts to something else, something bigger, something worse.  
  
Harry is laughing.  
  
_Harry's laughing his ass off_.  
  
Louis is going to fucking flip.  
  
He breathes in, ready to scream his head off, but then it happens again.  
  
A voice makes its way to the room.  
  
Liam's voice.  
  
"What are you laughing at?" he asks, making Louis' ego perk up. "It's not like you've been getting any."  
  
Louis immediately turns towards Harry, huge smile stretching his lips.  
  
And it gets even bigger when he sees him, it gets wider and happier and it explodes into laughter, it's his turn to laugh now, because Harry's face has turned purple, he looks like he wants to bury himself in a hole and disappear.  
  
Louis would be honored to dig that hole for him.

 

 

 

 

"Making any progress, boys?"  
  
Zayn clearly has a death wish.  
  
"Shut the fuck up, Zayn!"  
  
Louis blinks at the door, he sticks his pinky into his ear, he wiggles it around.  
  
No, it's not an hearing problem.  
  
That actually happened.  
  
"Aaaaw, did you hear that?" Niall asks, sounding unbearably emotional. "They said the same thing."  
  
Louis is going to self combust any second.  
  
"Shut the fuck up, Niall!" he shouts.  
  
Then he sighs, he drops his head into his hands, he drags them all over his face, desperate.  
  
Because he and Harry said it together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least I hope you're enjoying it <3


	4. I see you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's taking a long time, I know.  
> But I'm doing my best to make this good.  
> Please be patient <3
> 
>  
> 
>  

"I think they left." Louis murmurs, pressing his ear to the door, carefully holding his breath to make sure he catches every sound.  
  
Harry sighs.  
  
"What difference does it make?" he grunts.  
  
Louis turns around, he works on his facial muscles until he's sure they're transmitting the right expression - he's aiming for extremely annoyed with a hint of _I wanna strangle you_.  
  
Harry shrugs.  
  
"I don't like feeling observed." Louis snarls, scrunching up his face in irritation.  
  
Harry shrugs again.  
  
"They're not watching us." he points out. "Just eavesdropping."  
  
Louis bites hard on his lip.  
  
"I don't like being eavesdropped on, then!" he blurts out, ignoring the sharp stinging in his cheeks. "And you wanna know what else I don't like?"  
  
Harry's eyes have grown bigger, his jaw is clenched.  
  
But he nods, slow and accepting, he gets ready for Louis to lash out.  
  
"I don't like being caged in this fucking room!" Louis begins, slamming his hands against the door. "I don't like being forced into this shit, I don't like talking to you, I don't like looking at your damn face!" He continues, turning back around to look at him, squinting his eyes in anger, raising his voice before he can regain control over it. "I don't like wasting my time here because nothing's gonna change and I've made up my mind about it since the day you decided to break my heart!"  
  
That's right, he said it.  
  
Harry deserves to feel like shit for it.  
  
Still, when his eyes fall shut and his breath quivers, Louis' heart clenches in his chest.

  


 

 

 

 

 

*****

"Harry, oh my God, come here, I beg you!"  
  
Harry almost chokes on toothpaste but he immediately reacts, dropping his toothbrush into the sink and darting to the living room while the water is still running.  
  
He grabbed a vase on his way there.  
  
"What is it?!" he urges, confusedly looking around.  
  
Louis is hyperventilating, pointing to ceiling, letting out terrified little screeches and no, there isn't a burglar into Harry's apartment.  
  
Also no rapist, so psycho killer, no monster from another dimension, none of the horrible scenarios that played in Harry's mind as soon as he heard Louis screaming.  
  
Louis is fine.  
  
Still running around and pointing and urging to "Kill that thing!" but he's fine.  
  
Harry sighs, he drops the vase onto the couch.  
  
"I'm not gonna kill it." he informs him, stepping closer to the source of Louis' anxiety.  
  
Louis lets out a desperate cry.  
  
"Harryyyy!" he screams, ducking his head. "I beg you! Kill it!"  
  
Harry walks right past him, he opens the window.  
  
"No, Louis." He insists, calm and collected. "I'm just gonna help it go outside."  
  
"How about you help _me_?" Louis argues, clenching his fists. Then his eyes go wide, he lets out another series of curses and shouts, as he runs to the other side of the room.  
  
Harry shakes his head at him.  
  
"Look at it!" he scolds him. "It's tiny."  
  
Louis squints his eyes at him.  
  
"It's huge!" he retorts, pointing to the ceiling again. "And it's hairy and disgusting and it's got all those little legs-" he pauses to hide behind Harry's couch once the moth starts flying in circles around the room. "Just fucking kill it already!" he shouts, blindly throwing a pillow at it.  
  
Harry still has toothpaste in his mouth.  
  
"Come here." he decides, walking up to him. "Come."  
  
Louis repeatedly slaps his legs in response, he slumps back once Harry starts pulling on his wrist.  
  
"That's it." Harry presses, dragging him back to the centre of the room.  
  
Louis' making all kinds of panicky sounds and "You don't understand!" he's screaming, eyes gone wide with fear.  
  
Harry takes a moment to hold him, just a moment, trying to shush him, then he pulls back and "I do understand." he says. "But I need you to try."  
  
With that said he turns around and he heads to his bedroom, which is not as easy as it sounds, when you have an alarmed little Louis draped over your back.  
  
Harry paces back into the living room and Louis drops down as soon as he starts approaching the moth again.  
  
"Louis." Harry hisses. "Come here." he commands, waving a pizza place leaflet into the air. "We're gonna make it fly outside, okay?"  
  
Louis' hiding behind the couch again, fluffy hair poking out.  
  
"No, you do that." he whines. "Because you love me and you want me to be okay."  
  
Harry rolls his eyes.  
  
"I do." he snorts. "But I need you to at least try."  
  
"I'll suck your dick." Louis replies. "As soon as that thing's gone."  
  
Harry sighs.  
  
"I'll eat you out _and_ I'll suck your dick." He suggests instead. "If you come here and make a little effort."  
  
Louis makes a disapproving noise.  
  
"Come on, baby." Harry tries again. "You're not even gonna try? For me?"  
  
Judging by the way Louis' cursing and crying and yelling at the same time, no. He's not going to try.  
  
"Okay." Harry resolves. "Go hide in my bedroom, then." he tells him, focusing his gaze on the ceiling light.  
  
Louis immediately runs away ad Harry can't help but laugh.  
  
It takes him fifteen minutes to get the moth out of his apartment, but at least he's getting a blowjob.

*****

 

 

 

 

 

 

"For the record," Harry tells him, after what feels like an hour.  
  
Louis ended up on the floor again, back pressed to the door, knees bent to support his head, 'cause apparently he just can't do it on his own.  
  
He sighs.  
  
He slowly lifts his head up, regretting it already.  
  
Harry nods, like he wants to thank him for looking at him, and Louis squints his eyes at him.  
  
"What is it?" he hisses. "What."  
  
Harry's not affected by it, his expression doesn't change.  
  
He still looks stuck in his thoughts, probably trying to get them out, eyes trained on Louis' face, burning with something Louis can't recognize.  
  
He wishes he could look away.  
  
Then Harry bites his lip for a moment, he takes a deep breath.  
  
"You broke my heart, too." he says.

 

 

 

 

 

*****

"Why the fuck would you do this."  
  
Harry corks an eyebrow.  
  
"That's not really the reaction I was hoping for." he observes, frowning.  
  
Louis climbs off of him, he retrieves his T-shirt from the floor.  
  
"You're horrible." he hisses, slipping back into it. "And I'm leaving."  
  
Harry barks out a laugh, leaning on his elbows to look at him.  
  
"You're leaving?" he argues, with an annoying little pout. "Can't you see what I did?"  
  
Louis stomps his foot.  
  
"You ruined my favorite part of your body with an ugly tattoo, that's what you did!" he shrieks. "You're so evil!"  
  
Harry tilts his head to the side.  
  
"Are we really going to pretend my stomach is your favorite part of my body?" Then he raises his eyebrows at him. "Really?"  
  
Louis stomps his foot again.  
  
"Harry!" he snaps. "I'm serious."  
  
Then he crouches down to find his missing shoe, he crawls under Harry's bed to get it, he puts it on and "I am leaving." he declares.  
  
Harry sits up.  
  
"I did it for you." he mutters, suddenly getting aggravated. "So you wouldn't be scared anymore." he adds, knitting his eyebrows. "So come here and touch it."  
  
Louis gasps in surprise.  
  
"I never asked you to get a tattoo of a fucking moth on your stomach!" he yells, squeezing his eyes shut in frustration. "I hate it!"  
  
Harry unbuttons his shirt, finishing what Louis had started, and he takes it off.  
  
"But you love me." he retorts. "And this is part of me now."  
  
Louis bites on his bottom lip.  
  
Fuck Harry and his twisted logic.  
  
"It freaks me out." he grunts, slipping out of his shoes again.  
  
Harry can't seem to wipe that stupid grin off his face as Louis climbs back on top of him, making a disgusted face at his new tattoo.  
  
"Touch it." Harry whispers, guiding his hand up his stomach.  
  
Louis does, but his eyes are closed, and he's still making that face.  
  
Harry laughs.  
  
"Baby, what are you doing?"  
  
Louis scrunches up his nose, his eyes snap open but they carefully avoid what Harry wants him to look at.  
  
"I want to unlove you." he decides, raising his eyebrows.  
  
Harry sticks his tongue out in response.  
  
"You can't." he replies, shrugging. "It's too late for that."  
  
Louis slaps him on the head but he soon regrets it, because Harry grabs both of his little hands and he forces them down onto his own chest, as Louis starts squirming and screaming on top of him, then he drags them further down, he rubs them all over the tattoo long enough for Louis to get tired and stop fighting it.  
  
"You are crazy and I hate you." he whines, tentatively rubbing at the skin despite the unhappy expression twisting his cute face.  
  
Harry sighs, he relaxes under his touch.  
  
"I am crazy about you and you love me." he argues, pulling him down for a kiss.  
  
Louis will probably learn to love his ugly moth too.  
  
One day.

*****

 

 

 

 

 

 

"What?" Harry hisses, when Louis starts ignoring him again. "You don't care?"  
  
Louis doesn't answer.  
  
He's ignoring him, in case Harry hasn't noticed.  
  
He _has to_ ignore him.  
  
He owes it to himself.  
  
"How do you think this works, Louis?" Harry continues, voice getting aggravated, shaky.  
  
Louis squeezes his eyes shut.  
  
"You're pissed off, I get it." Harry says, as his breathing gets more erratic.  
  
Harry's pissed off too.  
  
Louis can feel it in his bones, when something's wrong with him.  
  
He wishes he could make it stop.  
  
"But how can you do this, Louis?" Harry continues. "How can you act like you don't give a fuck about me?"  
  
Louis presses his lips together, words locked in.  
  
"Aren't we stronger than this?" Harry asks him, voice breaking harshly as he speaks.  
  
Louis' heart clenches again, it probably breaks a little more.  
  
Harry's barely breathing now, he's choking on his words.  
  
"Look at me, for fuck's sake!" he shouts, but it sounds like he wants to cry, like he's begging him.  
  
"Look at me and tell me you don't give a fuck about me anymore."

 

 

 

 

 

*****

"Look at me, Louis." Harry tells him. "What's going on?" he whispers, careful, leaving a small kiss on the corner of his mouth.

Louis' eyes snap open.

He looks up at him.

"Nothing." he lies. "Come back here."

Then he grips on his shirt, pulls him back down, fast and determined, until their mouths touch again.

Harry seems to buy it, at first, he gets lost into the kiss again, hands going everywhere they can reach, through Louis' hair, down to his cheeks, and then further, brushing against his arms and settling on his hips.

Louis sucks on his tongue, he bites on his lips, he does anything he can think of, as long as it keep Harry focused, distracted at the same time.

But Harry won't fall for that.

He breaks their kiss, breathing hard against Louis' mouth, then he leans back, stares into his eyes again.

"You wanna stop?" he asks him.

Louis digs his fingers into his arms, tries to pull him down again but Harry won't move an inch, won't stop looking into his eyes.

"I want you to keep going." he scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Come back here."

Harry gives him a suspicious look but Louis wipes it right off his face, bringing his hand up to Harry's crotch, squeezing lightly.

"Come back here." he repeats, spreading his legs a little more. "Touch me."

So Harry touches him and he kisses him, hard and messy to begin with, slow and deep and scorching hot when Louis curls his legs around him, giving him shivers and friction and maybe enough to let go.  
  
He just needs to let go.

Harry keeps going, hips rocking against him, hands going through his hair and down his stomach and into his briefs, only giving him a couple strokes before letting go, then he's tugging at his briefs and all Louis wants is letting go but "Stop." he pleads.

Harry freezes.

"Stop." Louis repeats, planting both hands on his chest and pushing until Harry's not all over him anymore.

"I can't do this."

*****

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Remember Greg from the coffee shop?" Harry asks him, folding his arms under his head.  
  
Louis spares him a tired glance, biting back a few insults over the fact Harry decided to lie on the floor, despite the fact there is a fucking bed right next to him.  
  
"He's leaving." Harry continues, keeping his gaze stuck to the ceiling.  
  
Louis' been looking at him for the past ten minutes, awkwardly turning his face to the door every time Harry slightly shifts.  
  
Harry stays still, eyes up, mouth running wild.  
  
"Said he's going to Australia. He has to work in a farm for a while." he explains, as if Louis even cares about Greg from the coffee shop. "Apparently that's how it works, there. You need to pick fruit and shit, if you wanna stay."  
  
What the hell is he talking about.  
  
Louis rolls his eyes, twice. Once at him, once at himself, for looking at him again.  
  
For a split second his instinct tells him to crawl up to him, climb over his lap, maybe punch him, probably yell in his face, then kiss him, for sure.  
  
His instinct is fucked up.  
  
It only lasts for a split second.  
  
Maybe two.  
  
"A month ago I came across this ad." Harry informs him, pausing to breathe in. "They were looking for an English teacher."  
  
Louis scoffs.  
  
"I know." Harry sighs. "I know nothing about teaching, but hey-" he says, throwing his hands up. "I do speak English."  
  
Louis scoffs again.  
  
Harry twists his neck to look at him, not giving Louis enough time to keep their eyes from meeting.  
  
Louis swallows dry, but he holds Harry's gaze.  
  
"It was in Spain." Harry tells him.  
  
Then he reaches under the desk to retrieve Zayn's pillow, he gives it a couple smacks before placing it under his head.  
  
Louis bites at his lip, and he's staring at him again, he's willing himself to stay quiet.  
  
Yeah, that won't happen.  
  
"You actually considered it?" he spits out, spinning around until his back is pressed to the door.  
  
Harry nods, weakly, Louis barely catches it, and he almost screams.  
  
"Why didn't you go?" He says instead, clenching his fists.  
  
Harry doesn't look at him this time.  
  
He takes a deep breath that ends in a nervous laugh, eyes still traveling up and down the ceiling.  
  
Then he licks his lips, he shrugs and "You." he says.  
  
Louis might have smiled, for a second, but it doesn't matter.  
  
Harry wasn't looking, so it doesn't count.

 

 

 

 

 

*****

"I've never done it before."  
  
There it is.  
  
It was just a matter of time, right?  
  
"There it is." Louis adds, voice shaking as he tries to laugh.  
  
Harry laughs too, confused.  
  
"What?" he asks, leaning closer to his face.  
  
Louis offers him an embarrassed smile, a little shrug.  
  
Harry's face drops.  
  
"Are you serious?" he blurts out, suddenly pulling back.  
  
Louis brings his hands up, rests them on Harry's chest, looking for his heartbeat.  
  
"I am." he whispers, fixing his eyes on his moth tattoo. "I've never done it before."  
  
Harry's face drops again. Harder.  
  
His body abruptly detaches from Louis', clumsily rolling over to the other side of the bed.  
  
Louis tries to steady his breathing, cover himself with the sheets the best way he can as he sits up.  
  
"I freaks you out, doesn't it?" he asks, twisting around to look at him.  
  
Harry's pressing both hands to his mouth, eyes wide with shock.  
  
Louis nods his head.  
  
"Yup." he realizes. "It really freaks you out."  
  
Harry blinks at him for a while, his whole life probably flashing before his eyes, judging by the way he looks.  
  
Then he sits up on the bed as well, he reaches out to grab Louis' wrist.  
  
"No, baby, it doesn't." He blurts out, tangling their fingers into an awkward mess. "It's just-"  
  
"What?" Louis questions, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Harry takes a deep breath.  
  
"I was about to-" he huffs out, shrugging apologetically.  
  
Then he takes another breath, he exhales slowly, he hides his erection under a pillow.  
  
"I'm so glad you told me." He finally says, pulling on Louis' hand so he can brush his lips over it.  
  
Louis frowns at him.  
  
"Don't make it weird." he scolds, pulling back until Harry lets go of him. "Stop that."  
  
Harry bites on his lip, then on his finger, staring at him for a whole minute before speaking again.  
  
"I need to ask you something." He says, keeping his voice low and controlled. "And I need you to be honest."  
  
Louis gives him a questioning look, but he nods.  
  
Harry strokes the back of his hand against his shoulder, he moves a little closer to press a kiss to it.  
  
Louis tenses up, but he waits.  
  
Harry finally looks back at him, and Louis could never lie when those green eyes are staring at him that way.  
  
"Do you want to do it?" Harry asks. "Or do you feel like you should?"  
  
And that, right there.  
  
That's one of the many reason Louis loves Harry.  
  
Louis smiles at him.  
  
"I want to." he replies.  
  
Harry's face lights up, huge smile stretching his lips, poking holes into his cheeks.  
  
"With me?" he asks, getting stupid and excited.  
  
Louis punches him in his chest.  
  
"Not if you do that." he admonishes, pointing his finger at him.  
  
Harry bites back another smile but he complies, he shuts his mouth long enough for Louis to let out a little grunt and lie back on his bed.  
  
Then he carefully pulls the sheets away, he climbs on top of him, and Louis parts his legs for him, makes space for him, and he kisses him back, all rushed and hot and maybe a bit scared.  
  
So Harry smoothes a hand down his stomach, he starts stroking his cock, slow but firm, and he keeps kissing him, slow but good, until Louis starts relaxing a little bit.  
  
Harry keeps his eyes trained on him, on the way he's breathing, frowning, holding back.  
  
Then he slips his other hand under his hips and down to his ass, gently rubbing his fingers between his cheeks, making sure all the time they spent opening him up was enough.  
  
But Louis' eyes slipped closed, and he's biting on his lip now, he's breathing too fast, he's too nervous for Harry to keep going.  
  
So his hands let go of him and he uses them to push himself up instead, looking down at him until Louis opens his eyes.  
  
And his eyes look beautiful, so pretty and blue and lost, and Harry loves him too much to give him what he wants.  
  
"If you weren't ready, you'd tell me, right?" he asks, smiling at him.  
  
Louis smiles back at him, but it's a little more unsure, probably embarrassed.  
  
"I'm not sure I'm ready." he murmurs, hiding his face and his laugh into the pillow.  
  
Harry pulls away again, he slips under the sheets.  
  
Louis manages to turn around and look at him after one minute of tense silence, cheeks pink and burning.  
  
Harry shoves the remote into his hand.  
  
"Good." he says, serious. "Because I'd rather watch T.V., to be honest."  
  
Louis starts laughing and that, right there, is another one.  
  
Another reason why he loves Harry Styles.

*****

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Remember when my car broke down?"  
  
Louis tears his eyes away from him.  
  
Harry laughs at the memory, but it sounds like he's holding back tears.  
  
"You drive it once and there we go." he adds. "You must be cursed, or something."  
  
Louis presses his lips together, suppressing an inappropriate smile.  
  
Harry has no right to make him smile.  
  
He has no right to make him _feel_.  
  
"How's it going, guys?"  
  
Louis kicks his legs out in surprise.  
  
Harry rolls over onto his stomach.  
  
"It's going great, Liam!" he shouts. "Been talking to the walls for about an hour." Then he fixes his eyes on Louis, despite the fact he's stubbornly staring at the floor. "But Louis' stopped hitting me, which is nice."  
  
They hear Liam let out a little chuckle from the other side of the door.  
  
Then he "Good." comments, before stepping away.  
  
Louis' looking at the floor, that's why he sees it, Harry's hand reaching out slowly, surely, until his fingers close around his ankle.  
  
Louis' eyes go wide but he stays still.  
  
"Lou."  
  
Louis holds his breath, he keeps quiet, but he doesn't pull back.  
  
He really should.  
  
Harry's fingers are sneaking under his pants, tentatively stroking at the skin.  
  
Louis should really pull back.  
  
"I'd rather hear you yell again." Harry whispers, tightening his grip a little. "Just-"  
  
He stops talking, taking a few seconds to yank on his leg, until Louis gasps and his eyes fly up to his face.  
  
Harry knits his eyebrows.  
  
"Talk to me." he says. "I can't do this by myself."

 

 

 

 

 

*****

"If we ever fight," Harry says, grabbing his face with both hands.  
  
Louis slumps back against the wall, reluctantly opening his eyes to look at him.  
  
"Will you keep in mind how much I love you?"  
  
Louis snorts.  
  
"Never letting you drink red wine again." he decides. "You get all touchy feely in the worst way."  
  
Harry crushes their mouths together, tongues clashing confusedly for about a minute before "I'm serious." he tells him.  
  
Louis blinks up at him, he frowns.  
  
"What's up with you?" he questions, getting suspicious now. "Why would we fight?"  
  
Harry shrugs, he presses their foreheads together for a moment, until Louis gently pushes him away.  
  
"People keep breaking up." Harry finally explains. "I just don't want it to happen to us."  
  
Louis can't keep a little smile from stretching his lips.  
  
"We are not _people_." he spells out, forcing Harry to lift his head up and bring his eyes on him. "We wouldn't let a fight break us up, right?"  
  
Harry munches on his bottom lip.  
  
"So you won't forget?" he presses, somehow running out of breath. "You won't forget who I am? How much I love you?" he repeats, now lifting Louis up, helplessly mouthing at his neck.  
  
Louis tangles his fingers through his hair, legs closing around him out of habit, then he lets out an impatient laugh and "Will you fuck me, already?" he rants.  
  
"I will." Harry pants, rushing towards his bedroom. "I will fuck you."  
  
He kicks the door open and he gracelessly throws him onto bed, and Louis can't help but shriek when Harry starts undressing him, roughly yanking on his pants, tearing his shirt off of him, squishing him under his weight the next moment.  
  
"But say it first."  
  
Louis sneaks a hand between their bodies, desperately looking for Harry's erection.  
  
"I love you?" he guesses, just as Harry grabs his wirst and pins it to the mattress.  
  
"Put your cock in me?" he tries again, running out of ideas faster than he can breathe.  
  
Harry pushes harder against him, buries him a little deeper into his bed, holds him still with his weight.  
  
"No." he grits out, staring right into his eyes. "Say you won't forget."  
  
Louis laughs, he manages to kick his heels into Harry's back until he winces.  
  
"Enough." he hisses. "Let me be on top."  
  
Harry quickly pulls back and helps him up, and Louis almost falls for it, he starts climbing over him and he only realizes it when it's too late, that Harry's flipping him onto his stomach.  
  
Then here he is again, stuck under Harry's body, his chances of wiggling free down to zero, now.  
  
He lets out an exasperated sigh.  
  
"Say it." Harry pants into his ear, subconsciously rocking his hips against his bum. "I mean it, Lou. Need you to-"  
  
"Yeah, Harry, whatever!" Louis snaps, trying to push the pillow to the floor with his head. "I won't forget how much you love me."  
  
Harry bites down on the back of his neck, harsh, sudden, making Louis squeal out in surprise.  
  
"Say it like you mean it." he scolds, flipping him one more time, wrapping a hand around his throat as soon as he's got him underneath him.  
  
Louis squeezes his thighs around his hips.  
  
"Come on, love." he mewls, grabbing Harry's arm with both hands, squirming in his grip to get him to react.  
  
"You know I won't." he whispers, reaching up to kiss him.  
  
Harry leans in, hand still pressed to his neck, but he doesn't let their lips touch.  
  
Louis blinks up at him, he whimpers at how wild Harry looks, pupils blown, lips swollen, hair tangled into a mess.  
  
"I won't forget." he murmurs, closing his eyes as Harry finally gets close enough. "Won't forget how much you love me." he rambles, parting his lips for him. "And how much I love you."

*****

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You forgot, didn't you?"  
  
Louis flinches, his gaze drops to the floor again.  
  
Harry tightens his grips around his ankle, fingers digging in until the pressure starts turning into pain.  
  
Louis keeps still.  
  
It's the first time they touch in three months.  
  
He doesn't have the guts to put a stop to it. Yet.  
  
"That was not a good reason to break up, Louis." Harry says, voice getting low and aggravated.  
  
"I'm starting to think you were looking for an excuse."  
  
Louis' head snaps up.  
  
He levels him with a furious look, he finally moves his leg back, making Harry lose his grip on him, and then forward, so he can shove his foot into Harry's chest.  
  
"Don't you dare." He hisses, while Harry clumsily pushes himself back up, choking on his own anger.  
  
"Dumping you was the only thing I could do." Louis continues, balling up his fists as soon as Harry tries to come closer.  
  
Harry presses his lips together, he keeps enough distance between the two of them for Louis to lower his hands and rest them on his knees.  
  
He frowns at him, breathing fast and heavy, willing himself to carefully choose his words before "That's not true." telling him. "You could have talked to me. You could have tried to fix it, instead of running away."  
  
Louis lets out a shocked laugh but Harry ignores it, he keeps going.  
  
"You just gave up." he grits out. "It took you a minute to erase two whole years. And you promised-"  
  
"You know what?" Louis cuts him off, smiling despite the tears stinging in his eyes. "I'm not doing this. I'm done."  
  
"See? This is what you do!" Harry shouts at him. "You get mad and you won't even let me-"  
  
"Because I don't care, Harry." Louis interrupts him again, pressing his back harder against the wall behind him, creating as much distance as he can. Harry leans forward in response.  
  
"You promised me you wouldn't forget." he states, regaining control over his voice, not so much over his breathing. "Are you gonna keep that promise?"  
  
"Have you kept yours?"  
  
It's Louis who's shouting this time.  
  
He pushes himself up to his feet, he runs to the other side of the room once Harry starts getting up as well.  
  
"Because you promised me a lot of shit!" he yells, voice breaking as Harry starts moving closer.  
  
"Don't!" Louis pleads, raising his hands. "Stay there."  
  
Harry clenches his fists, his jaw, his whole body.  
  
He lets out a long shaky breath but "Okay." he says, stepping back until his back hits the door.  
  
Louis leans against Zayn's desk, hands blindly looking for something to grip on, to keep him from falling.  
  
"Like being honest." he finally says, tipping his head down to suck some air in. Breathing's never been this hard. "Always telling me the truth, no matter what." he continues, pausing every few words to keep his lungs working. "Remember when you promised me that?"

 

 

 

 

 

*****

"I'm leaving as soon as it stops raining."

Harry leans closer in response, he leaves a small kiss right on the tip of his nose.

"I mean it." Louis insists, digging his nails into the back of Harry's neck.

Harry smiles.

"It's gonna rain all night." he simply says, stretching his arms. "You knew that before you came here."

Louis kicks him under the covers.

He did know. But Harry has no right to point that out.

"So you wanna talk about it?" Harry asks, in that way he does when he doesn't really care for Louis' answer.

Louis shakes his head.

"Because, you know," Harry continues. "I've been thinking about it."

Louis grunts something he's not sure he wants to say, something between _Shut up_ and _Give it a rest_.

_Shut it a rest_.

Harry laughs at him - Louis saw that - and he licks his lips, he thinks about it for a little longer.

"Every time we try to make it happen, you freeze." he observes, ignoring Louis' annoyed expression. "So maybe we should stop trying." he adds, shrugging.

Louis' about to reply but he ends up curling up against him, startled by the loud thunder happening outside.

Harry laughs again, he doesn't even try to hide it this time, but he readily opens his arms for him, he waits for Louis to tip his head up and look at him.

"See?" Louis mutters, squinting his blue eyes at him. "God is very offended by what you just said."

Harry chuckles.

"I don't think God cares that much about our sex life, to be honest." he says. "And you care a little too much."

Louis presses his lips together.

He wants to be mad at him, but, more than anything, he wants to kiss him.

So he kisses him, just a little, he only lets him twist his tongue in his mouth for a moment, before pulling back.

Harry chases after it, eyes still half closed, lips swollen, and he "Come back here." whispers to him, needy and sweet.

Louis pushes on his chest, keeps him at a safe distance despite the way Harry's holding him.

"We've been together for months-"

"Eight months." Harry promptly clarifies.

Louis scoffs.

"We are too old for this." he protests. "The handjobs, and the blowjobs and-"

"And the rimjobs and the dry humping and-"

"Yes, Harry, all of that!" Louis spits out, twisting his nipple to shut him up. "If we don't do this now," he says, serious. "We're gonna end up never doing it at all."

Harry seems taken aback by that.

He breathes in, ready to reply, but then his face goes blank for a moment.

Louis watches him, tense and irritated, as Harry tries to speak again, then he frowns, he coughs for a while and, finally, he cracks up.

It's not funny.

"Says who?!" Harry barks, running out of breath.

Louis is running out of patience, instead.

"Baby, what are you talking about?" Harry laughs, struggling to bring him closer. "That's just silly, come on."

Louis doesn't think it's silly.

He doesn't think it's funny, either.

This is serious.

He scrunches up his nose at the lightning invading the room, he holds his breath at the next wave of thunder.

"Don't act like you don't care." He finally says, lifting the covers up to his chin. "It makes me feel even more stupid."

Harry blinks at him, he sighs.

"I do care." he contradicts him, letting his fingers travel up Louis' spine. "But I don't see it the same way you do."

Louis corks an eyebrow.

"I wish you would stop obsessing over it." Harry continues. "And I wish you believed me when I say there's no rush."

Louis rolls his eyes this time, but Harry yanks on his arms, makes him look at him again.

It's raining outside and Louis is cold. He hates being cold.

"One of these days I'm gonna put it in you." Harry tells him, out of nowhere, low and sweet.

Louis kicks his legs out in surprise.

Harry keeps looking at him, calm, serious, confident.

"And you won't even know what's going on." he adds, lowering his tone. " 'cause you'll be so far gone you won't even care."

Louis tries to suppress his smile, but he fails miserably, he ends up pressed harder against Harry's body instead.

"When?" he asks, biting on his bottom lip to contain his excitement.

Harry clicks his tongue, as his hands start slowly traveling down Louis' back, then up his shirt, stroking lightly at his skin.

"This is exactly what you need to stop doing." he explains. "You need to just relax." he says. "And trust me."

Louis shrugs, smiling wider now.

He can feel Harry's erection pressed against his thigh, can feel his own erection throbbing in his briefs.

But there's no rush, right?

He's never been really good at waiting.

Which is ironic.

"You know I wouldn't lie to you, right?" Harry murmurs against his lips.

"I love you." is Louis' answer, unrelated and unexpected.

Harry chuckles, his arms tighten around him.

"I love you too." He replies. "And I promise you there's nothing to be scared of."

Louis' not scared.

He wants to tell him but Harry's pressing both hands to his ears, shielding him from the loud noise coming from outside until it's gone.

Then he drags his hands down to his cheeks, he holds him still so he can kiss him.

"Okay." Louis mutters. "Fine."

"You believe me?" Harry asks, smiling like he knows already.

"I do." Louis grunts.

"Do you believe me when I say there's no rush?" Harry presses, squeezing on his hips. "That I wouldn't lie to you?"

Louis gazes up at him.

He makes a little questioning sound, but he's halfway there.

"I promise." Harry tells him.

There's something about those two words.

The way Harry says them, the expression he gets, the way his voice drops, becomes warm and firm and reassuring.

Louis believes him.

"Okay." he repeats, a little annoyed by the way Harry gets to him. "You do your thing."

Harry laughs a little, but his grip on him doesn't loosen.

"My thing?" He questions, raising an eyebrow.

Louis can feel the flush spreading through his cheeks, but he's hoping Harry won't see it.

"Yeah." he blurts out. "You decide when-" he tries, gesturing confusedly under the covers. "You know."

And Harry had understood what he was trying to say way before Louis started blushing, but he waits for him to finish.

"When you think I'm ready and stuff." Louis insists, lowering his gaze. "I'll let you decide."

Harry nods, little smile lingering on his lips.

"Gonna let me decide when you're ready and stuff." He sums up, struggling not to laugh again.

Louis' about to punch him in his jaw but then he realizes it, that Harry's reaching for the nightstand, choking him with his arm in the process, but still.

Every time Harry grabs the lube it means that something's good about to go down.

And it's probably not what Louis' been hoping for, but he's done obsessing over it.

From now on, he's just gonna let Harry do his thing.

That's why he doesn't argue when Harry "Come here." tells him, and he just waits, breathing steadily through his nose, waits for Harry to slick his fingers up, waits for him to pull his pants down, kisses him back when their mouths find each other, and he stops thinking, for once.

He just breathes, he just feels, he takes his fingers inside, patiently, no rush, and he stops expecting things to happen, he just lets them happen, eyes closed as Harry opens him up.

And if it's not today or tomorrow or next year, it doesn't matter, right?

Time is not running out.

It's still raining outside when Louis starts moaning, when he actually stops thinking and he just lets go, body gone limp in Harry's hands, responding to each touch, each word Harry says to him, hushed and soft.

And it's still raining outside when Louis starts kissing him, holding him close, looking desperately for his warmth, for his taste, eyes closed because he trusts him.

It's pouring outside when Harry slowly twists his fingers inside of him and then pulls them out, when he rests a hand on his hip and makes him shift, when he "On your side, love." tells him.

There's a storm outside and Louis is too far gone to care.

*****

 

 

 

 

 

"I do remember." Harry states. "And I meant it. I never lied to you."  
  
Louis sucks on his bottom lip, he shakes his head.  
  
"You're lying to me right now." he blurts out, choking on his own words. "Or maybe to yourself, I don't know."  
  
"There's things I haven't told you." Harry clarifies. "That is not the same as lying."  
  
Louis' arms drop to his sides.  
  
"Are you fucking serious?" he huffs out. "Do you actually believe I'm gonna fall for this shit?" he asks him, forcing himself to look at him again.  
  
Harry's staring at him, he's standing tall and furious against the door, obviously struggling to stay there.  
  
"What have you been telling yourself?" He asks him, his eyes burning on his skin all the way from the other side of the room. "That I played you?" he asks, as his face twists into a disappointed expression. "That I've been lying all along?"  
  
Louis bites on his bottom lip, eyes stuck on Harry's face, terrified at the thought of what he might say next.  
  
Aching for it.  
  
"That I never loved you?"  
  
That.  
  
That's what he's been telling himself.  
  
Louis knows it's a lie. But it works, as long as Harry doesn't try to argue with it.  
  
"You're wrong." Harry tells him, sharp and bitter. "You know exactly how much I love you." he hisses, taking one step forward.  
  
Louis' heart starts twisting, jumping, dropping in his chest, and Harry keeps walking, he keeps going until they're close again, until Louis stops breathing but he keeps looking up at him, eyes wide and shocked and terrified.  
  
Waiting for it.  
  
"And there's something else you can't hide from." Harry declares, grabbing Louis' chin with two fingers and staring right into his eyes, his big, blue, frightened eyes.  
  
"You can't hide from me." Harry says, blunt and determined. "Because I see you, Louis." He tells him, not blinking once. Not once. "And I know you love me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, Esse <3  
> Thank you, Andy <3  
> Thanks to all of you <3
> 
> How do you like it so far?  
> What's missing?  
> If there's something you'd like to see, go ahead and tell me :)  
> I might go with it <3 (But I am really possessive with my fics, so... I _might_ D: )  
>  Working on the final chapter .x
> 
> Hugs <3


	5. Given a chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD.
> 
> This took a lot longer than expected.  
> But you know what?  
> It doesn't matter.  
> Because it's here now. And I've hated it a lot but don't get me wrong, I love it.  
> I really hope you love it too.  
> Enjoy <3
> 
>  
> 
>  

"Back off." Louis breathes, shutting his eyes.  
  
He wants to bring his hands up but they're shaking too hard, he can't control them anymore, wants to press them to Harry's chest and push him away, but he knows he wouldn't, he'd pull him closer, and then.  
  
"Back off." he spells out, keeping his eyes closed.  
  
He wants to look up at him, show him how much he means it, but it wouldn't work.  
  
So the only option he's left with is not touching him, not looking at his face, hoping Harry will listen to him.  
  
All he can do is turn his face away from him, out of his grip, praying Harry will understand.  
  
Louis knows Harry's moving because he finds himself chasing after his smell, blinking his eyes open to watch him step back and away from him.  
  
This way he might be able to breathe.

 

 

 

 

*****

"You're Louis, right?" the guy behind the counter asks him, before handing him his coffee. "Louis Tom-something."  
  
Louis tilts his head, confused.  
  
"Where's Anne?" he asks. "Who are you?"  
  
The stranger laughs in response, he shoves his big hand into his hair, curls flowing around before he manages to brush them to one side.  
  
"I'm her son."  
  
Louis' shoulders relax a little, he takes a small sip of his coffee before "Hi, Anne's son." replying. "Nice to meet you. I'm Louis Tomsomething."  
  
He gets to see him laugh again, in that inappropriate but cute way, sees him disappear under the counter for a second, then pop out again, a knowing smile on his lips.  
  
"She left me this note." he explains, laying a crumpled piece of paper over the counter. Then he clears his throat, he reads it to him.  
  
"Mr. Corden likes his coffee black, no sugar. He's the nice man in a tie."  
  
Louis smiles, intrigued, he sets his cup down to rest his chin over his hand and listen.  
  
"Layla, the woman with the short blonde hair, can never make up her mind about pastries. Just give her the chocolate one."  
  
Louis nods, serious, he meets Harry's amused gaze for a moment.  
  
"Set two pieces of pie aside for the Gellar girls, they'll drop by after their dancing lesson. Save some whipped cream, too."  
  
Then he skips a few ones, Louis can tell by the way his finger moves down the piece of paper, and he smiles before "Ah! Here you are!" informing him.  
  
Louis knits his eyebrows, but he's smiling back at him, he's not too subtly studying the two dimples in his cheeks.  
  
"What does it say?" he prompts, laying back against his chair. "What does Mr. Tomsomething like?"  
  
Anne's son licks his lips, little cheeky smirk appearing on his face now.  
  
"Louis _Tomlinson_ ," he spells out, serious, as his voice inexplicably drops and gets warmer. "Is the cute boy with blue eyes."  
  
He stops at that, he tilts his head back up to catch Louis' embarrassed coughing fit, he "I'm Harry, by the way." tells him, like it makes any sense right now.  
  
"He wants coffee, two sugars, no milk. He's going to talk to himself, but don't mind him."  
  
Louis gasps, surprised, a tad offended, but Harry's laugh makes him relax again.  
  
"He only eats when he's done rehearsing. Let him pick, he knows what he wants. Don't let his tea get cold, he's going to leave it there."  
  
Louis finally gives him a little satisfied clap.  
  
"Sounds accurate." he comments, impressed.  
  
Harry folds the piece of paper, he sticks it into the pocket of his skinny jeans.  
  
"Rehearse what?" he asks.  
  
Louis crosses his arms, he levels him with a suspicious look, but Harry only smiles in response, cute and curious and seemingly harmless.  
  
"I'm an actor." Louis caves, lifting his shoulders into a small shrug. "That's why I talk to myself. Not crazy." he clarifies, feeling the flush spreading over his cheeks.  
  
"What's wrong with crazy?" Harry retorts, with a playful pout lingering on his lips. "Not into crazy?"  
  
Louis narrows his eyes, he lets them travel up and down Harry's slender body, then up to his face again, he studies his smirk, his dimples, his bright green eyes.  
  
"Oh, no, I _love_ crazy." he replies, biting his lip.

*****

  


 

 

 

 

"You can't just keep ignoring me, Louis."  
  
Yes, he can.  
  
He can ignore him till the day he dies.  
  
He's been ignoring him for months, what difference is another few hours going to make.  
  
"You must talk to me at some point."  
  
Louis can ignore him until Harry runs out of voice and the sun rises and the boys open the door for them to leave.  
  
"You really think we can't fix it?"  
  
Louis can keep quiet until Harry loses his mind and gives up.  
  
"We can. If you just talk to me, we're going to. You know we are. Maybe that's what scares you the most."  
  
Louis can pretend Harry's not there, just like he used to pretend he was beside him at night, when things got too big to handle. When none of the boys were there to comfort him.  
  
"You're being stubborn. But you know what?"  
  
Louis' good at pretending.  
  
That's what makes him a good actor, isn't it?  
  
He can fake it.  
  
"You can keep this up all you want. It's not gonna make me give up."  
  
He can fake it so well anyone would fall for it. He's been practising for years, he's made it his job.  
  
"You hear me?"  
  
Louis can play any role, can become any person at any time.  
  
"I'm not giving up on us, Louis. Unless you tell me you don't love me anymore."  
  
Louis can play any role, can make you believe anything.  
  
So he raises his head, and he looks at him, empty and cold.  
  
He shrugs, and he sees it, the way Harry swallows hard and dry, jaw tightening.  
  
He sees his fear.  
  
He clings to it, he slips into his role, he pretends.  
  
"I don't love you anymore."

 

 

 

 

*****

"So who am I today?" Harry asks him, settling Louis' cup on the counter.  
  
Louis tries to hold back a ridiculous smile, but he fails.  
  
God, since when can't he control his own facial expressions?  
  
"You are my roommate." Louis explains, handing him a copy of the script. "We're about to fight because I slept with your girl."  
  
Harry barks out a laugh, he repeatedly slaps his hand over his thigh in amusement.  
  
"You?" He questions. "You could never steal my girl."  
  
Louis levels him with a furious look, but that fond smile is still on his lips, he can fucking feel it taking over him.  
  
"I could, if I wanted to." he clarifies, pointing one finger at him. "I could steal your girl and your job and even your mother."  
  
"Not my mother." Harry hisses, putting two sugars in Louis' coffee. "You wouldn't dare."  
  
"Are you scared, Styles?" Louis asks him, tilting his head, not too accidentally brushing his fingers against Harry's hand as he finally takes his cup.  
  
Harry gets serious for a moment, he keeps his eyes fixed into Louis', as he takes a small sip, his gaze steady and just a tad threatening.  
  
Louis tells himself he's keeping a straight face, but that stupid smirk is back on his mouth, he just knows it.  
  
"Are you flirting with me, Tomlinson?"  
  
Keeping a straight face.  
  
A flushed, baffled, terrified, straight face.  
  
"Read your lines." He grunts in response, dropping his gaze onto the script.

*****

  


 

 

 

 

Harry has stopped talking.  
  
It's been a while now.  
  
Louis thought he'd be relieved.  
  
He was wrong.  
  
He's biting on his nails again, eyes darting back and forth, to the wall and the ceiling and the door and Harry's face.  
  
He didn't really believe he'd fall for it.  
  
But Louis is a good actor. He made him believe it.  
  
It worked.  
  
Harry went quiet.  
  
He stopped talking, he stopped trying.  
  
Then why is he regretting it so bad?  
  
Harry looks pale and tired and drained and for the first time since this started all Louis wants is hearing him speak.  
  
He clears his throat but Harry doesn't look at him, his green eyes stay fixed on the wall.  
  
Louis' never been good at choosing his words.  
  
Not when he's angry.  
  
And right now he's so angry at so many people and for so many reasons.  
  
But most of it all, he's angry with Harry.  
  
Harry's the one who matters the most, so it's only fair.  
  
Harry's the one who could hurt him the most, and he did.  
  
Harry's the reason Louis' scared he'll never be happy again, not a day for the rest of his life.  
  
How could Louis ever forgive him?  
  
How could he ever trust him again?  
  
Harry broke his heart.  
  
Why would he still love him?  
  
Why _does_ he still love him.  
  
Why.  
  
Why.  
  
Why.  
  
"I don't believe you." Harry says, focusing his eyes on him.  
  
Louis broke character by now.  
  
It's not fair, he's not ready.  
  
"Make me believe you." Harry tells him.  
  
Louis' forgotten how to breathe again, he's basically gasping as quietly as he can, begging his body not to betray him.  
  
And Harry's getting up.  
  
"Don't." Louis chokes out, and he's just waiting for someone to yell _Cut!_ because no, this is not going as planned, he's not ready for this.  
  
"If you don't love me anymore," Harry's telling him, moving closer to him despite Louis' desperate expression. "Why don't you just tell me-"  
  
"I did!" Louis argues, high pitched and scared and broken. "I've just told you."  
  
But Harry's still walking, he's invading his space now, he's cornering him.  
  
Louis is trapped.  
  
He is not ready.  
  
"Why don't you tell me while looking at me." Harry insists, splaying his hands on Zayn's desk, caging Louis between his arms. "Like this."  
  
Louis' a good actor.  
  
But this is not a movie and faking it won't work.  
  
Harry knows him too well and pretending will not work.  
  
Not while they're standing this close to each other, breathing the same air, and Louis' heart is pounding so hard he's sure he's about to die.  
  
He is going to die.

 

 

 

 

*****

"Why won't you fuck me?" Louis whines, pressing his lips to Harry's throat. "Come on, I know you want it too."  
  
Harry forces Louis' hands down, he smiles at him despite what he's been doing.  
  
"Because they're waiting for us." He reminds him, fixing Louis' fringe. "Because you're a little too drunk." he scolds, knitting his eyebrows. Louis responds with a guilty laugh, but his hands are looking for Harry's erection again.  
  
"Because we are not home." he grits out, squeezing tight around Louis' wrist, rubbing against his hand all the same.  
  
"So?" Louis snaps, unbuttoning his pants. "You bend me over, you fuck me hard and fast-" he instructs, as Harry fights his hands one more time, turning slightly to keep Louis from touching him.  
  
"You come, I come, we're all happy." Louis continues, biting his lip, looking up at him, with those eyes, that grin.  
  
Harry contemplates slapping himself to come back to his senses.  
  
"We don't have any lube." he points out, gesturing for Louis to pull his jeans back up.  
  
Louis turns around instead, hands gripping the sink.  
  
"Then eat me out a bit." he suggests, swaying his hips.  
  
Harry lets out a desperate sigh.  
  
"That's not how it works, Lou." he groans. "I'm gonna hurt you."  
  
Harry needs to keep focused.  
  
The fact Louis reacts with a moan does not help.  
  
"You're not." he retorts, shoving himself back against him. "I can take your cock. Gonna take it."  
  
Harry places his hands on his hips then, 'cause he can't keep just looking at him, but he refrains from grinding against his ass.  
  
It's harder than it sounds.  
  
"So I fuck you a couple times and suddenly you're an expert?" he teases him, startling an outraged laugh out of him. "You're still learning, baby." he then tells him, finally pressing himself to his back, hissing at the way Louis makes sure their bodies touch where he wants him.  
  
"Oh, come on." he huffs out. "It's not that complicated. Just-"  
  
"When we go home," Harry cuts him off, meeting his gaze in the mirror. Louis goes quiet, he observes their reflection, Harry's hands wrapped around his hips, squeezing slightly, heavy and possessive, his eyes gone a little bit wild. "I'll fuck you until you regret asking."  
  
Louis' never been easy to convince.  
  
But come on. That's a _great_ deal.

*****

  


 

 

 

 

"Whenever you're ready." Harry says, with a strange smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.  
  
Louis helplessly stares back, lips parted, words stuck in his throat, mixed with Harry's smell.  
  
He misses it.  
  
Having him this close is only going to make it harder to let go of it. Again.  
  
So he takes it in while he can, breathing in and out, wishing there was a way to save some for later.  
  
But a smell is not meant to last, it can only linger for a few seconds and then disappear.  
  
And it's one of those things you kinda remember, like a memory, but less reliable. You can't play it again. You can't hold on to it. It gets lost, eventually.  
  
It fades.  
  
"You said it once." Harry tells him, looking down at his face, eyes dark and warm. "You can say it again."  
  
His smile is gone.  
  
Louis breathes him in, then out, then in again, deeper.  
  
It's soothing and familiar, it makes it easier to breathe.  
  
Louis shakes his head and that means Harry won, he's supposed to feel proud, isn't he?  
  
He looks defeated, instead.  
  
"Then say you still love me." he whispers, tired and weak. "Tell me you love me."  
  
Louis breathes him in again, deeper, he tries to keep it inside, but his body eventually pushes it back out.  
  
Some things are not meant to last.  
  
Harry's smell isn't.  
  
This moment isn't.  
  
So Louis puts an end to it.  
  
He breathes out as he finally manages to press his hands to Harry's chest.  
  
He only hesitates for a second, then he makes up his mind.  
  
He pushes him away.

 

 

 

 

*****

"I got you a gift." Harry announces, sitting down by the tub.  
  
Louis smiles, but he keeps his eyes closed, he tips his head back against the wall, he sighs.  
  
"Wanna know what it is?" Harry asks him, keeping his voice low, like he's trying not to disturb his peace.  
  
Louis cracks an eye open and "Let me guess." he tells him. "Is it in your pants?"  
  
Harry tilts his head, he gives him an annoyed look, but he's smiling too.  
  
He reaches into the tub, hand drawing circles into the hot water, carefully avoiding Louis' legs.  
  
"No." he informs him. "You only get that if you behave, baby."  
  
Louis lets out a little giggle.  
  
"Okay." he says, licking his lips. "What is it, then?"  
  
Harry strokes his finger over his thigh, just for a moment, and Louis finally opens his eyes, suddenly more interested.  
  
Harry's smirking now, pleased, amused by Louis' next reaction already, because he knows him way too well.  
  
"Oh, come on!" Louis whines, splashing water in his face. "Just tell me."  
  
"Before I do," Harry tells him, drying his eyes with the hem of his T-shirt. "I need you to promise me something."  
  
Louis knows Harry's giving him the key to his apartment. Niall got drunk and told him last night.  
  
Louis was drunk too. He might have a cried a tiny bit.  
  
He's not going to ruin this, though. Harry wants it to be a surprise.  
  
Louis sticks his tongue into his cheek, he tips his head back and "Oh, I see." he realizes. "It's not a gift, is it? More like an exchange. I give you this, you give me-"  
  
"Louis." Harry admonishes, as the rest of Louis' sentence dies into laughter. "Are you gonna be difficult, love?" He asks, moving the bubbles around so he can look at him.  
  
Louis frowns, but he doesn't protest, he stays there as Harry lets his eyes wander over his naked body, dips his hand into the water again, gripping his knee.  
  
"I'm gonna be-" Louis stutters, trying to sit up and slipping back into the tub instead.  
  
Harry can't help but chuckle when he sees him coughing and spitting water all over himself, but he patiently taps his hand on his back, he tries to keep a straight face while Louis struggles not to die.  
  
"You were saying?" He encourages, gently dabbing his face with a clean towel.  
  
Louis snatches it out of his hands, cold and flustered and a little humiliated, but he dries his face and he graciously leans against the tub again, hands carefully gripping the sides to avoid making the same mistake twice.  
  
"I'm gonna be," He repeats, staring intently into Harry's eyes, keeping quiet until Harry's grin slides off of his face. "Whatever you want me to be." He finally adds, licking his lips.  
  
Harry's not so amused anymore, all of a sudden.  
  
"Now, that's a good boy." He praises, slowly nodding his head.  
  
Louis' still trying to swallow his shame, but he makes an effort to go past it, let Harry guide him through it, take him where he wants him to go.  
  
"Here's what we're gonna do." Harry tells him, leaning closer to press a soft kiss to his shoulder, before standing up from the floor.  
  
Then he unfolds the towel he's been holding in his hand, offering the other one to Louis, holding him up as he carefully gets out of the tub, wrapping the towel around him the next moment.  
  
"What?" Louis asks, looking up at him, hoping for a kiss Harry's not ready to give him yet.  
  
Harry brushes his wet fringe out of his eyes, then he spins him around and he slowly pushes him out of the bathroom.  
  
Louis knows where they're going.  
  
"You know what to do." Harry tells him, closing the door behind himself.  
  
Louis lets the towel fall to the floor and he readily climbs onto bed, he lies on his stomach and he waits for Harry to nod, before diving his hand into the drawer to grab the lube.  
  
It's not comfortable, reaching back to stick his finger inside of himself, but Harry likes it, he _loves it_ , judging by the way he's munching on his bottom lip.  
  
"One more, baby." He instructs, finally stepping closer and sitting beside him.  
  
Louis wants to be touched, but he refrains from asking, and he eases a second finger inside, eyes stuck on Harry's face to catch his reaction.  
  
"You want your gift, don't you?" Harry asks, dragging a hand up his back.  
  
Louis nods his head and he purses his lips this time, because he really wants Harry to kiss him, he wants his mouth on him.  
  
Harry smacks his hand on his butt cheek instead, startling a small desperate sound out of him, fingers stopping inside his clenched hole.  
  
"Keep going, baby." Harry reminds him, kneading at the burning flesh. "Spread yourself open for me."  
  
Louis swallows dry and he shuts his eyes, arm aching with the effort, but he keeps going, just like Harry told him, he twists his fingers inside of himself, fighting the stretch, breathing in small gasps into the sheets until he feels ready to add another one.  
  
"Too tight, baby?" Harry whispers, spreading his cheeks open with both hands. Louis hisses at the contact, helplessly pushing his hips back to into Harry's touch.  
  
"No." He grits out, out of breath. "Gonna take it, gonna take your-"  
  
"Careful, now." Harry warns him, abruptly letting go of him. "You know I don't like it when you run your mouth."  
  
Louis bites on his lip, suppressing a tired moan when he feels himself clenching around his fingers again.  
  
"You do it." He whines, looking up at Harry's stern face. Then he swallows and "Please." he adds.  
  
Harry's lips curl into a fond smile and he finally touches him, he actually _touches_ him, one hand wrapped around the back of his neck, mouth pressed against his lips, his other hand squeezing his hip, big and greedy.  
  
Louis whimpers into the kiss, he opens his mouth and he moans around Harry's tongue, gently suckling on it for as long as he allows.  
  
"Are you gonna be good?" Harry asks, making him shift a little, before two of his fingers slide inside of him.  
  
Louis lets out a conflicted moan, perfectly caught between pain and pleasure, halfway through stopping him and asking for more.  
  
"Yes." he sighs, licking his lips. "Gonna be good."  
  
Harry is moving his fingers and Louis' body is quickly relaxing, taking him in, getting ready for more.  
  
"Are you gonna make me come?" Harry asks next, and Louis' body replies first, hole squeezing impossibly tight around Harry's long fingers.  
  
"Yes." Louis says again, louder, steadier. "I am."  
  
Harry lets out a pleased chuckle, finally adding one more finger, twisting slowly inside of him, carefully spreading him out.  
  
"How?" Harry asks, using his free hand to touch his ass, heavy and impatient.  
  
Louis breathes in and out a couple times, before giving it a shot.  
  
He's enjoying the pressure of Harry's fingers inside of him, doesn't want him to stop.  
  
"Gonna ride you?" he suggests, moaning loudly when Harry smacks his hand against one of his butt cheeks.  
  
"Try again." Harry encourages, soothing the pain with delicate touches now, fingertips barely running over his skin.  
  
Louis finds himself laughing, out of voice and out of breath, adrenaline replacing every thought in his head.  
  
"Gonna stay still." He says this time, wiggling a little in Harry's lap. Harry starts moving inside of him again, there's a new determination in every stab of his fingers. "Gonna be quiet and good," Louis continues, only now realizing how hard he is, how desperate he is, unable to stop grinding down on Harry's thigh.  
  
"Gonna take your cock."  
  
"You want that?"  
  
Before he can reply, Harry spanks him again, then he pulls his fingers out of him, he flips him onto his back, he spreads his legs, and Louis' entire world is spinning, his brain is shutting down.  
  
"I do." He huffs out, throat suddenly dry at the sight of Harry's clothes being thrown to the floor.  
  
Then he sees his cock, his beautiful, thick, hard cock, and everything starts making sense again.  
  
Harry lies on top of him, his body is heavy and warm and familiar pressed against his this way, and he kisses him, he kisses him again and again and again, deep, wet, slow, until Louis' lips are swollen and slick and all he can say is "Fuck me." looking up at him, at his green eyes, heart thumping furiously inside his chest with how much he wants him, with how much he loves him. "Fuck me."  
  
And he sees it in Harry's eyes too, how much he loves him, how hard he's gonna fuck him, he sees that it'll take him a minute to come.  
  
But who is he to talk.

*****

  


 

 

 

 

"It's okay." Harry says, stepping back. "I know you do. I can see it in your eyes."  
  
Louis rubs a hand over his forehead, he sighs.  
  
Then he pushes himself away from the desk, he crosses the room again.  
  
"I love you too, you know." Harry croaks out, as Louis' still walking. He just stabs him in his back. "I love you." he repeats, like he can't help it, as Louis reaches the door and turns around.  
  
Louis wants to die.  
  
He slides down the wall until his butt hits the floor, he presses his forehead to his knees, chest heavy and tight.  
  
"I don't wanna hear it." he mutters, hiding his face.  
  
He hears Harry sigh, and he knows he's gonna make it worse.  
  
He just knows.  
  
"I'll never stop loving you." Harry says, making it worse. "I'll never stop fighting to get you back. I'm gonna do all it takes."  
  
"There's nothing you can do, Harry." Louis sighs, turning his head away. Harry can probably hear it, but at least he won't see it. "I just can't get over it." Louis continues, as more tears slide down his cheeks, unstoppable and relentless. "Because you hurt me so much." he says, voice getting weaker as he speaks. "And the most fucked up thing is-" he laughs, at himself, at this whole thing. At how stupid he was. "That I truly believed you never would."

 

 

 

 

*****

"Don't get me wrong, it was fun." Louis yells from the kitchen. "It's just-"  
  
"What?" Harry yells back, resting the broom against the wall to pick up the piece of bread someone dropped under the table. "You don't like him?"  
  
"No, I do!" Louis quickly corrects, shutting the fridge closed. "It's just- Are you done cleaning the floor? Niall spilled beer here in the kitchen too."  
  
Harry bumps his head on the table as he gets back up, the piece of bread rolls under the couch. He sighs.  
  
"You were saying?" he asks, laying on the floor to retrieve it.  
  
Louis walks into the living room and Harry can feel him standing next to him, he doesn't need to turn around to make sure.  
  
His foot pressed against his bum confirms it.  
  
"You won't find my second cell phone under there." he chirps, amused.  
  
"But I found your secret lover in the wardrobe." Harry retorts, clumsily getting up. "You need a better hiding place, don't you think?"  
  
Louis shoves at his chest and Harry immediately loses his balance, helplessly falling on the couch, piece of bread flying out of his hand and into the wall.  
  
It must be cursed.  
  
"You found _one_ of my secret lovers." Louis informs him, straddling his hips. "There's plenty in the house."  
  
Harry chuckles, he settles his hands over Louis' hips.  
  
"It's starting to freak me out, now." he admits. "Sounds spooky."  
  
Louis presses his lips together.  
  
"Yeah." he comments. "It kinda is."  
  
"So what about Luke?" Harry reminds him, pulling him a bit closer to catch his attention. "What's wrong with him?"  
  
Louis' playing with his necklace now, he tilts his head as he thinks about it.  
  
"I just don't buy it." he finally says. "All the shit he says."  
  
Harry raises his eyebrows.  
  
"He keeps doing it." Louis continues, moving his hand up to brush Harry's hair out of his face. "He gets tipsy and he starts running his mouth. He's cute and everything, but I doubt his sex life is _that_ exciting."  
  
Harry huffs out a laugh.  
  
"Are you saying he's a liar?" he asks, pressing his back to the soft cushion. He's getting sleepy, but he's too curious to drop it. "Or that he's a prude?"  
  
Louis shrugs.  
  
"A little bit of both." he replies. "Bet he's the kind of guy who acts all cool and then won't even swallow."  
  
Harry suddenly cracks up, and Louis needs to cling to his shoulders not to be thrown off the couch by Harry's aggressive laughter.  
  
"What?" he giggles, pulling on his shirt to make him stop. "What's so funny."  
  
Harry takes a couple breaths, trying to calm himself, but he's still chuckling when "He swallows." he clarifies. "Believe me."  
  
It takes him a minute to realize what's going on.  
  
He confusedly blinks at him, when Louis' mouth falls open, and his expression doesn't change, when Louis suddenly pulls back and leaves him sitting on his own.  
  
"And how would _you_ know?" Louis asks him, crossing his arms defensively.  
  
And then Harry gets it.  
  
He fucked up.

*****

  


 

 

 

 

How long has it been?  
  
"There's water in my closet, boys." Zayn tells them, from the other side. "And also some snacks."  
  
They had it all planned.  
  
What they hadn't taken into account, is something they can't understand.  
  
Because they all know that he and Harry still love each other.  
  
That's the easy part.  
  
How long has it been since they shut the door?  
  
How long have they been planning this?  
  
Probably since day one.  
  
But there's something missing, from their plan.  
  
Something too big for Liam, Niall and Zayn to understand.  
  
It's bigger than all of them, it's massive, it goes beyond comprehension, there's nothing you can do about it, and you can't stop it, you can't wrap your head around it.  
  
It's huge and dark and destructive. It's a black hole.  
  
Wider than their love for each other, even stronger.  
  
How long has it been?  
  
It's been there for too long for them to ignore it.  
  
It sucks it all in.  
  
It pulls it in, it wipes it away.  
  
How long has it been, since he found out?  
  
That sometimes even love - even their love - is not enough.  
  
It's not enough to fight it.  
  
Because the pain is bigger and it pulls the memories in, it sucks the love in, it wipes the hope away.  
  
How long will it be, before Harry understands?

 

 

 

 

*****

"I can't believe you lied to me for two fucking years!" Louis' been yelling for the past hour. "I can't believe it!"  
  
Harry leans against the counter, a killer headache exploding between his temples.  
  
"I didn't." he repeats. "I just never thought-"  
  
"Don't even-" Louis cuts him off, slamming his fist against the cabinets. "We're not talking about one person Harry. You shagged half you friends, for fuck's sake!"  
  
Harry hears it, the lump stuck in Louis' throat, it makes it even harder to explain himself.  
  
"Who cares?" he blurts out, moving a hesitant step in his direction. "I'm with you now. We live together, Lou."  
  
"I care!" Louis shouts, darting into the living room before Harry can touch him. "I feel like-"  
  
"Like what?" Harry presses, exhausted. "You're acting like I cheated on you! That was before I even met you, Jesus Christ."  
  
Louis' still running from him, stepping back every time Harry shuffles closer.  
  
"I feel like I don't even know you." he says.  
  
Harry's arms fall to his sides.  
  
His breathing slips further out of control, as if Louis' words got stuck down his throat.  
  
"You're overreacting." he grits out. "Enough."  
  
Louis reacts with a disbelieving smile.  
  
"I'm overreacting?" he hisses. "How about I storm out, how would you call that? How about I-"  
  
"Louis, enough." Harry repeats, slamming his hand against the table.  
  
Louis flinches, but that only seems to fuel his rage.  
  
"And the things you do with me," he croaks out, shaking his head. "You did them with everyone, didn't you."  
  
Harry drags a hand over his face, willing himself to count to ten before he speaks.  
  
"What the hell are you talking about." he groans, trying once again to get closer to him. Louis runs around the table, denying him any contact.  
  
"I don't want you to touch me." he tells him, clasping the back of a chair to hold himself up.  
  
Harry would throw himself over the table to grab him, if he wasn't sure it'd make it all worse.  
  
"It took this years for this to come out. I wonder what else you've been hiding."  
  
"God, Louis." Harry moans, throwing his hands into his own hair. "Can you just stop?"  
  
He swallows thick when Louis suddenly starts moving again, he quickly follows him as he rushes to their bedroom.  
  
"So I've fucked other people, big deal!" he snaps, shoving the door open when Louis tries to lock him out.  
  
"Why the hell are you reacting this way? You knew it!"  
  
Harry can't see his face, because it's hidden in their closet as he speaks.  
  
"If you can hide shit from me that way, with no effort whatsoever, I can't even imagine what-"  
  
Harry gives him no chance to finish the sentence, firmly grabbing his arm to yank him out of there.  
  
"You're not making any sense." he says, ignoring Louis' attempts to free himself. "Look at me." he insists, grabbing his face this time.  
  
Louis' crying.  
  
He chokes up at the sight of it, but he pushes through.  
  
"I'm with you." he tells him, looking directly into his confused eyes. "I love you."  
  
Louis lets out a shaky sigh, and that's the moment Harry thinks it might be over, maybe he's starting to think again.  
  
But he's wrong.  
  
"Get off me." Louis chokes out, turning his face away from him. "I wanna leave."  
  
"Louis, I-"  
  
"Get off me!" Louis yells, slumping back with his whole body to get out of his hold. "Don't fucking touch me!"  
  
Harry' heart is convulsing in his chest, he's never heard Louis yell that way, he wishes he could forget it immediately.  
  
And he's never seen him cry this hard.  
  
He's used to touching him when he cries, but Louis won't let him.  
  
His head is about to burst and Louis' shoving his clothes into a backpack and the room is spinning and he just wants to touch him, he wants to hold him, he wants this to stop, he needs it to stop right now.  
  
"What are you doing?" he blurts out, mouth suddenly dry. "Lou, what are you doing?"  
  
He even moves out of his way, when Louis paces through the room and runs out of it, he follows him again, chest tightening as he tries to breathe.  
  
"Where are you going?" he asks him, shocked, while he watches Louis put his jacket on, then his beanie, then his scarf, not sparing him one glance. "Where are you going?"  
  
Louis drops the backpack onto the couch, he opens a drawer and he rummages inside, and Harry can barely see him through the thick layer of tears covering his eyes, can barely hear the keys clinking in his hand through the noise exploding in his skull.  
  
"You're not leaving." he murmurs, unable to speak any clearer than this, throat painfully closing up and asphyxiating him.  
  
"But I am." Louis replies, cold, calm, as he picks up his backpack and swings it over one shoulder. "Look."  
  
And Harry's looking, he's staring right at him, even as Louis unlocks the door of the house, their house, the one they just moved in together, the one where they just had a party to celebrate their decision, the one they're supposed to be making love in right now.  
  
He watches him open the door, he watches him toss the keys at his feet, and move one step outside.  
  
That's when his muscles finally snap, and he darts forward, he pulls him back inside, he slams the door closed.  
  
"You're not leaving." he grits out, roughly tearing his scarf off, then his beanie, then his backpack, as Louis stubbornly pulls on it, trying to claim it back. "You're not leaving, Louis!" Harry screams, shoving himself against the door when Louis tries to open it again.  
  
"Harry, move." Louis commands, clenching the backpack with both hands. "Move."  
  
"Are you serious?" Harry croaks out, eyes going wide with fear and realization. He can't be serious. "Are you walking out on me?"  
  
Louis' still giving him that cold stare, but the way his chest is heaving betrays him.  
  
"Don't make me call Zayn."  
  
"What's Zayn gonna do?" Harry pants, ducking his head to suck some air in. "What's-"  
  
"He's gonna pick me up. And if you don't let him, I'll call Liam and Niall, too."  
  
"And who are you going to call after I send them away, huh?" Harry presses, knitting his eyebrows, rage taking over his pain. "The police?"  
  
Louis bites on the inside of his cheeks, knuckles going white as he clenches harder on his backpack.  
  
"I'm going to call Luke." he says. "And Michael and Calum and Ashton and Nick. So they can fuck you to cheer you up."  
  
Harry's finally speechless, he's almost bent in half as he tries to take one breath, at least one, enough so he can function, enough so he can think, speak, stop this.  
  
"Let me out, Harry." Louis says. "Move."  
  
Harry doesn't really listen to him, but it's easy for Louis to push him aside while he's too agitated to react, and he ends up clenching the table for support, knees buckling as Louis opens the door one more time.  
  
"If you leave," he hears himself say, through the loud ringing in his ears.  
  
Louis stops in his tracks, he straightens his back, he slowly turns his head to look at his face.  
  
His act falls apart as soon as he does, his lips start shaking, and his eyes fill up with tears, but he doesn't say anything, and he doesn't go back, he doesn't move and he waits for Harry to say it.  
  
So Harry says it.  
  
"If you walk out," Harry spits out, furious and desperate. "I don't want you to ever come back."  
  
Louis presses his lips together, he sticks the car keys into his pocket, then he nods, slowly, and he shrugs.  
  
"I won't." is the last thing he says, before leaving him there.

*****

  


 

 

 

 

"I fucked up."  
  
Louis blinks his eyes open.  
  
Harry says it again.  
  
"I fucked up."  
  
A bit louder this time, a lot shakier.  
  
It's the first time it happens.  
  
It won't be enough, though.  
  
It's too late.  
  
"I hurt you." Harry says. "I made a mistake."  
  
There you go.  
  
That wasn't so hard, was it?  
  
But it's not enough.  
  
Louis raises his head. Harry's crying, but it won't be enough.  
  
"You know why you never thought I'd hurt you?" he asks him though gritted teeth.  
  
It punches the breath right out of Louis' lungs, but it won't kill him.  
  
Louis' going to survive.  
  
It takes him all the energy left in his body to lift his shoulders up into a tired shrug.  
  
Whatever Harry's got left for him, won't kill him.  
  
It won't glue the pieces back together.  
  
It won't be enough.  
  
So he's going to take it, he can take a little more.  
  
It's not like he has much left to lose, at this point.  
  
Harry's gritting his teeth, he's crying, he's barely breathing.  
  
"Because I never made a mistake, that's why." He spits out. "Have you ever thought about that?" He shouts, clenching his fists.  
  
Louis tries to swallow the pain down, but it climbs back up.  
  
Harry has more to give him.  
  
Louis' going to take it, he can take a little more.  
  
"What, you think I'm perfect?" Harry yells, his voice breaking harder, crumbling down. "Am I allowed one mistake, Louis?"  
  
Harry's screaming and he's crying and Louis will survive this.  
  
He has to.  
  
He must look at him, while he does it. He must go through the pain, even though it's a new kind, it hurts in a whole different way.  
  
"One mistake." Harry repeats, vocal chords ripping and scratching. "One."  
  
It hurts, it tears him open, it pulls at his insides, it ties them up in knots, it punches the air right out of his lungs.  
  
Louis might survive this.  
  
It hurts in a new, breathtaking way, in a way that makes his chest cave in.  
  
There's one thing he learned, from all of this.  
  
It won't kill him.  
  
Having a broken heart won't kill him.  
  
It will hurt, it will sting, it will feel like it's never going to stop, it's never going to end.  
  
That doesn't make you stronger, it's not true.  
  
What it actually does, is teaching you that you are not going to die.  
  
Even though sometimes you wish you would.  
  
"Can you just consider it for a moment, Louis?" Harry yells. "That I'm a fucking human being?"  
  
Human beings are bound to make mistakes.  
  
They are bound to lose.  
  
But losing what you cherish the most will not kill you.  
  
It'll rip you apart, it will break you in a way that cannot be reversed, in a way that's meant to last forever.  
  
Because it's supposed to teach you something.  
  
Louis thought he had learned.  
  
"I'm not gonna do it again." Harry shouts. "I promise you." He begs. "I will learn." He cries. "I'll get better."  
  
There's only one thing that can put a stop to it.  
  
Louis' been thinking about it for months, day and night, and he couldn't find it, it wasn't there.  
  
He wanted to find it, but it wasn't there.  
  
And then there's Harry, screaming it right in his face, shoving it down his throat.  
  
"I never meant to hurt you." he tells him. "But I fucked up."  
  
Harry had it all along, ready to give it to him, push it right into his head.  
  
Here he is, showing it to him.  
  
"Give me another chance." He pleads. "I promise you." he begs. "It'll never happen again."  
  
Because Harry had it all along and he was just waiting for Louis to listen.  
  
It's the only thing that can change his mind, turn back time, fix it.  
  
"I'm not perfect." Harry reminds him, out of breath. "But I'll be better." He tells him. "For you."  
  
Louis found it, even though he had stopped looking.  
  
It's in his head now, it's massive and strong and too loud to be ignored.

 _Doubt_.

 

 

 

 

*****

"Louis, come on, just five minutes."  
  
Liam's voice sounds heavy and restrained, like he's forcing himself to breathe.  
  
Louis knows he looks bad.  
  
He probably smells bad, but showers and food and getting out of bed are among the many things he doesn't care about anymore.  
  
"Get up, love." Liam tries again, fighting off Zayn's hands when he tries to stop him from getting closer.  
  
Louis feels him touching his face, pulling at the covers, then at his wrist, but it doesn't take long for Niall to jump in, it just takes the tortured sound coming out of Louis' mouth, before Liam lets go of him.  
  
Every bone in his body hurts.  
  
His wrist cracks as soon as Liam's grip loosens, his ribs seem to squeeze shut around his lungs.  
  
He can't look at their faces.  
  
He's both ashamed and tired of caring, too weak to even turn his head.  
  
"Lou," Niall whispers, shuffling closer. "Wanna watch the X-factor and make fun of Cowell? He looks like fucking Frankenstein, I swear to God."  
  
"Frankenstein was the doctor." Liam interjects.  
  
Louis shakes his head, he pulls the covers back up.  
  
The sheets are still damp with his tears but there's no point in changing them.  
  
It's not like he's ever going to stop crying, apparently.  
  
He's crying right now.  
  
"We're gonna smoke." Zayn decides. "We're gonna smoke and we're gonna drink and you're gonna throw up and then you're gonna pass out."  
  
Louis manages to let out a tiny laugh, tangled with his pathetic little sobs, but he's not sure he can do any of that.  
  
He hasn't been able to do much in the past couple weeks, except crying his eyes out and sleeping. His dreams only revolve around one person, but it's not like he can reset his brain after so long.  
  
That's why he starts crying as soon as he wakes up.  
  
And Harry's been waiting for him all long, he's been waiting right outside his door, day after day, so Louis never even considered attempting to go outside.  
  
He never opened the door for him.  
  
He never replied to any of his calls or any of his questions.  
  
He just told him to leave.  
  
In the end he had to call his mother and begged her to come to London, all the way from Doncaster.  
  
She did.  
  
She asked Harry to leave and he finally did.  
  
He hasn't shown up ever since.  
  
"Then we'll do it again tomorrow." Zayn is explaining, ignoring Liam's glare. "We'll keep doing it until you get sick of it."  
  
Louis changed his number.  
  
He keeps his door locked, so Liam insisted on having a copy of the key.  
  
Harry lost his job, they said. He's back at his mother's café now.  
  
He moved into that house.  
  
Into what has been their house for two whole days, before it all went up into flames.  
  
The rent is too high for him to live a decent life.  
  
Louis is sure.  
  
"Or we could get him out of bed and into the shower." Liam suggests instead, his tone getting more aggravated.  
  
"Yeah, yeah." Niall chimes in. "And then we go to the pub-"  
  
"And we get him pissed." Zayn concludes, calm and determined.  
  
Louis has tried it.  
  
He's tried smoking and drinking and hiding his pain under layers and layers of intoxication and denial.  
  
But there's no amount of alcohol or drugs in the whole world that could fill up the gaping hole Harry left in his heart.  
  
Louis feels it in his chest all the time, a suffocating, relentless weight, it's like drowning and choking and being cut into pieces all at the same time.  
  
It's like the thread that used to hold his life together has been cut.  
  
It's like being buried into a hole, with no light and no air and no hope of being free again, just the awareness that the only way out is dying.  
  
It's slow and painful and inescapable.  
  
It's like the world lost its colors, like the universe stopped making sense.  
  
The stars lost their alignment.  
  
And Louis' life lost every meaning the moment he walked out that door.

*****

  


 

 

 

 

"Why didn't you say anything?"  
  
Louis is tired of keeping it in.  
  
He needs to know.  
  
"You could have told me." he continues. "None of this would have happened."  
  
He hears Harry inhaling sharply, moving around the room.  
  
Louis manages to lift his head up, look for him, and he finds him closer than he was expecting, cross-legged in front of him.  
  
"Because I knew this would happen."  
  
Louis swallows thick.  
  
"So what was your plan, Harry?" he asks, weak, feeble, exhausted. "Were you just hoping I'd never find out?"  
  
Harry's eyes are welling up with tears again.  
  
Louis still needs to fight hard against the urge to try and comfort him.  
  
"There was no plan." Harry croaks out, rubbing one of his eyes. "I just-"  
  
Louis holds his breath for the whole minute it takes for Harry to find his words.  
  
"I just wanted to be with you."  
  
Louis drags a hand over his face, he pushes back his own tears.  
  
Harry's bluntness is one of the things he loves the most about him.  
  
It's also one of the reasons he almost died, when he realized how many things he had been hiding from him.  
  
"I feel like it's gonna happen again." Louis blurts out, unable to hold back any longer. "Like I can't trust you anymore, like I don't know you."  
  
Harry winces at the pain in Louis' voice, he shakes his head, he quickly wipes away the tears streaming down his face, but he keeps quiet.  
  
Louis wouldn't know how to comfort him.  
  
"Since we broke up," he chokes out, trying so hard to catch his breath, to ignore the tight grip he feels in his chest. "I've considered running back to you every single day."  
  
Harry's eyes light up at those words, they catch on fire, like he had been waiting for him to say it all along.  
  
"But I'm not sure I could do it, Harry." Louis quickly adds, pressing a hand to his mouth, pushing it back again, swallowing the pain down. "What if I wake up one day," he grits out. "And realize I just can't be with you anymore?"  
  
What if it's broken and they can't fix it.  
  
Louis couldn't make it through it alive one more time.  
  
"In that case,"  
  
Louis digs his nails into his hands as soon as Harry starts speaking, struggling to keep himself grounded, to hold on to his decision, to the promise he's made to himself for the past three months.  
  
"I'll let you go."  
  
Louis' heart clenches hard in his chest, surprised, hurt, offended.  
  
No matter how hard he tries to pretend.  
  
He wants Harry to never let go.  
  
He wants him to never give up.  
  
Maybe, after all, he wants him to fix this for both of them, on his own, in some way.  
  
Despite everything, deep down inside, Louis trusts in his determination.  
  
"But don't expect me to just give up." Harry hisses, as his voice goes even deeper, seeping through Louis' entire system. "Because we still love each other." Harry reminds him, like Louis could ever forget. "Because breaking up doesn't mean it's over." Harry insists, even as Louis finally break down and starts sobbing. "Because we're not gonna spend the rest of our lives wondering what would have happened if we'd just tried a little harder." he points out, as Louis keeps choking on his own tears. "Just one more time."

 

 

 

 

Time stops, when you're facing the biggest decision of your life.  
  
Louis stops crying, he wipes his tears on his shirt, he takes a long, deep, pained breath.  
  
The world stops spinning, the wind stops blowing, the rain stops falling down onto London.  
  
The key twists inside the lock.

 

 

 

 

The boys don't say a single word, as they exit the room.  
  
They quietly follow them into the living room.  
  
They watch them as they grab their phones, put their coats on, wait for the elevator.  
  
Then they rush to the window and they watch them step outside.  
  
The rain starts tapping over their heads, as they watch Harry try to get his umbrella to open, then curse, as Louis' laughter happily cuts through the silence, then give up and throw it into the bin.  
  
They hold their breaths and they don't say a word, as they watch them leave, under the rain.  
  
Side by side.  
  
Hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not crying. You're crying.  
> Shut up.
> 
> <3 <3 <3
> 
>  Thank you so much for reading this.
> 
>    
> Hope to hear from you <3

**Author's Note:**

> A very special thanks goes to Andy, who's been putting up with me for days.  
> I'm so glad you messaged me Andyyyy!!!  
> Poor you, though. You don't even know what a big mistake you made.  
> Thank you, anyway.  
> Also for making that cute post!  
> Thank you, thank you, thank you <3  
> And another Special thanks goes to my wonderful girlfriend. I love you bb <3 Thank you for always supporting me <3
> 
> If you guys want to share, click [HERE](http://softhie.tumblr.com/post/176782551525/time-out-by-speechless)
> 
>    
> And thanks to all of you. For reading my silly shit and supporting me and leaving kudos and pretty, interesting, wonderful comments.  
> I know you will.
> 
> You will, right?
> 
> Byeeeee <3


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